Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In the modern era,
competition
in every field has grown more than the previous times.
While
some people are in favour of
competition
in every field of a
person
's
life
, others think that cooperation is the best virtue. In my opinion, I strongly believe that cooperation can bring more
happiness
and has an important role in developing
society
. On
first
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the first
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hand, I have an opinion that
competition
in different sectors of
life
like professional
life
, educational
life
and
also
in personal
life
never brings
happiness
. It is true that
,
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apply
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competition
can make a man attentive and ambitious and
also
helps him to be focused on the target.
For instance
, a competitive
person
seeks more opportunities to develop his own skills and
also
he is always aware of the present situations which makes him a dedicated and focused human being. But, In the long run,
competition
brings jealousy. To cite an example, When a competitive
person
finds someone better than him in terms of skills or achievements, he becomes jealous and
this
jealousy can lead him to achieve success by hook or by crook.
This
type of mentality often creates a negative impact on the
person
's entire
life
.
On the other hand
, cooperation brings a lot of
happiness
along with
some other good virtues. To support my view, a cooperative
person
is normally a man of honour who remains calm and peaceful all the time. No matter how many hurdles he faces, he always finds a way to help others for the betterment.
however
, a
person
with
this
quality is actually an asset to
society
as common people get enough support from him which brings
happiness
and prosperity to
society
.
To conclude
, I strongly support the notion of being cooperative rather than being competitive in order to be happy and to bring positive vibes to
society
.
Submitted by jisan.path1506605 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea of that paragraph. This will help in maintaining a clean logical flow.
task achievement
Provide additional specific examples to strengthen your arguments and illustrate your points more clearly.
coherence cohesion
While your conclusion summarizes your points well, consider reinforcing your opinion by directly referencing some of the key ideas from the body paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Your essay's structure is clear and logical, with distinct paragraphs for each set of ideas.
task achievement
You effectively summarize both views in your introduction and provide a clear thesis statement.
task achievement
You've correctly identified and discussed both sides of the debate, fulfilling the task requirements.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
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