IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Countries with a long average working time are more economically successful than those countries which do not have a long working time. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #time
It is sometimes argued that if the economic contribution is consistent with the length of labour timesheet among different countries. In my opinion that the conclusion is superficial without sufficient analysis from different perspectives. In
this
 essay, I will give my own perspective that the length of the average working
hours
 is not a positive relation to the success
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the economy. On one hand, working hard is encouraged in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society, which easily links to long working
hours
. Undoubtedly, the possibility of economic success by hard-working would be higher than others. To be more precise, the salary for workers in a factory is normally calculated with a basic salary plus overtime salary according to their actual working
hours
, as long as more work
hours
 economic income would be more.
Nevertheless
, a musician spent one year writing a song, when the song has been published but has no revenue because it’s not buy-in in the market. From another perspective, the yield rate is an important indicator to evaluate the success of a business by economists.
In particular
, there are several cases that proved the most eye-catching business case are always those returned in short term.
For instance
, JD corporation (China Amazon) was established in 1998, successfully listed in public stock in 2014, and it’s profitable in 2017. Meanwhile, JD’s competitor PDD was established in 2015, successfully listed in public stock in 2016, and achieved profitability in quarter one of 2021, PDD took six years to get profit, which is less than 11 years compared with JD which took 17 years.
Besides
, the development of technology in the recent decade have improved,
more
Correct word choice
and more
show examples
 robot applied in manufacturing plant or used in the service industry.
For example
, the robot arm in the production line and the delivery robot in
hotel
Correct article usage
a hotel
show examples
 or
restaurant
Fix the agreement mistake
restaurants
show examples
,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
appliances reduced the rework rate, scrap rate and the fluctuation
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 labour cost. To sum up, it’s too general to evaluate the economic performance of a country upon
hours
 spent on work, I support assessing the economic indicator in a practical way from different perspectives.
Submitted by yell00 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic success
  • working hours
  • productivity
  • sustainable development
  • work-life balance
  • labor laws
  • efficiency
  • gross domestic product (GDP)
  • burnout
  • occupational health
  • technological innovation
  • industrialized nations
  • emerging economies
  • workforce
  • competitiveness
  • workplace culture
  • employee turnover
  • quality of life
What to do next:
Look at other essays: