Educating young people is naturally important. However, some think governments ought to invest more education for adults in need. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #think #governments #education #adults

It is undeniable that

education

is a necessity for many individuals, especially adults who are less

priviledged

Correct your spelling

privileged

. Even though it is vital to invest in

education

for grown-ups, I believe that policymakers should not spend too much on it and firms should be involved as well.

To begin

with, intense

competitions

Fix the agreement mistake

competition

show examples

workplace

Add an article

the workplace

show examples

have rendered many employees' skills outdated. If

governments

did not provide more training

courses

to upgrade their skills, these people would be

structually

Correct your spelling

structurally

unemployed in the near future. On top of that, many working adults who are having financial difficulties could not afford to attend

courses

to improve their competitiveness.

This

is because the cost of living has risen over the past decades,

many

Correct word choice

and many

show examples

families already struggle to make both ends meet. Few families have financial resources to spend on enrichment

courses

Therefore

governments

have the responsibility to offer subsidies to cover parts of the course fees and make

courses

more accessible for the mass.

However

, I believe that it is crucial to strike a balance between

education

for adults and other priorities. Considering that

governments

' budget is limited. Overspending on adult

education

will jeopardise the development of other sectors.

For example

, healthcare, transport and environment sectors are equally important to

Correct article usage

the advancements

show examples

advancements

Fix the agreement mistake

advancement

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

society. If there are

less

Change the quantifier

fewer

show examples

grants available for these areas, the public's needs will not be well accommodated. On top of that, it is critical to mandate private enterprises to share the financial burden of adult

education

Governments

could make it compulsory and forces private companies to send their employees for enrichment programmes,

otherwise

Add a comma

,otherwise

show examples

firms will face penalties. Ultimately, they are one of the beneficiaries of a more productive workforce. In conclusion, while it is true that

governments

are obligated to allocate more resources to providing more

courses

to sharpen people's skills, I argue that

this

approach may be a success at the expense of other fields.

Also

governments

should require employers to share the burden since they

also

benefit from enrichment programmes.

Submitted by youhua94 on Wed May 04 2022

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for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

329 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Educating young people is naturally important. However, some think governments ought to invest more education for adults in need. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Many universities graduates cannot find a job in their chosen profession what factors may have caused this situation and what in your opinion should be care about it?