5. Some people think that children should be raised by all the family members (e.g: uncle, aunt and grandparents) rather than only parents. Give your opinion.

#people #children #members #e #g #uncle #aunt #grandparents #parents

In the modern era, in some families, all the family

members

raise

children

. While some people believe that it is beneficial, some assert that only

parents

should raise their kids. Regarding

this

, I strongly agree with the former opinion. On the one hand, if the opinions between

parents

and other family

members

are different,

children

can be confused. Since each person has his own view

Change preposition

show examples

the world, it is common that people

have

Fix the infinitive

to have

show examples

various values that cause conflict among them. When

children

experience

the

Correct article usage

show examples

variety of views, they become

hesitate

Replace the word

hesitant

show examples

to choose priorities.

Additionally

children

have to learn parenting from their

parents

, and

therefore

they should spend a lot of time with them. If other relatives disrupt

this

crucial procedure,

children

can learn about

parents

’ roles.

Therefore

, only

parents

should nurture their

children

On the other hand

, family

members

can monitor

children

closely in order to prevent

from

Change preposition

apply

show examples

anti-social

behaviors

Change the spelling

behaviours

show examples

. When

parent

Fix the agreement mistake

parents

show examples

are

Change the verb form

show examples

absent,

children

tend to easily approach

Change preposition

apply

show examples

inappropriate media

such

as adult TV programs and violent video games, thereby leading to

Wrong verb form

being

show examples

involved in vandalism or petty crimes.

Hence

, the surveillance of family

members

can be a key factor in reducing these problems.

Furthermore

, when all of

family

Add an article

the family

show examples

participate in raising kids, they become a closed knit family as they are involved in various activities

such

as video

game

Fix the agreement mistake

games

show examples

and cooking.

For example

, recent media in Korea reports that

child rearing

Add a hyphen

child-rearing

show examples

with all family

members

bring about the

enhance

Replace the word

enhancement

show examples

of the relationship among them. As the example clearly illustrates, every family member should support

children

together for

Remove the article

apply

show examples

positive interaction. In conclusion, while I accept that nurturing kids by only

parents

can sometimes be useful, it is no doubt that having a close relationship through

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

nurturing is crucial in order to enhance communication among family

members

. What is more, it can be a chance to decrease the generation

gab

Correct your spelling

gap

show examples

as grandparents can participate in

child rearing

Add a hyphen

child-rearing

show examples

Submitted by hiasince38 on Thu May 05 2022

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

321 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

extended family
support
emotional stability
diverse experiences
perspectives
strong bonds
sense of belonging
multiple caregivers
burden
balanced parenting
find a balance

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5. Some people think that children should be raised by all the family members (e.g: uncle, aunt and grandparents) rather than only parents. Give your opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people think that art is an essential subject for children at school while others think it is a waste of time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

ome people think that the main factors influencing a child’s development these days are things such as television, friends, and music. Others believe that the family still remains more important. Discuss both opinions and give your opinion

Every year several languages die out. Some people think this is not important because life will be easier if there are fewer languages. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Some people say that the only way to get success is to go to universities while others think that it depends on other factors. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?