5. Some people think that children should be raised by all the family members (e.g: uncle, aunt and grandparents) rather than only parents. Give your opinion.

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In the modern era, in some families, all the family
members
Use synonyms
raise
children
Use synonyms
. While some people believe that it is beneficial, some assert that only
parents
Use synonyms
should raise their kids. Regarding
this
Linking Words
, I strongly agree with the former opinion. On the one hand, if the opinions between
parents
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and other family
members
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are different,
children
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can be confused. Since each person has his own view
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
the world, it is common that people
have
Fix the infinitive
to have
show examples
various values that cause conflict among them. When
children
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experience
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
variety of views, they become
hesitate
Replace the word
hesitant
show examples
to choose priorities.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
have to learn parenting from their
parents
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, and
therefore
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they should spend a lot of time with them. If other relatives disrupt
this
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crucial procedure,
children
Use synonyms
can learn about
parents
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’ roles.
Therefore
Linking Words
, only
parents
Use synonyms
should nurture their
children
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, family
members
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can monitor
children
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closely in order to prevent
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
anti-social
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
. When
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
absent,
children
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tend to easily approach
to
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apply
show examples
inappropriate media
such
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as adult TV programs and violent video games, thereby leading to
be
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
involved in vandalism or petty crimes.
Hence
Linking Words
, the surveillance of family
members
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can be a key factor in reducing these problems.
Furthermore
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, when all of
family
Add an article
the family
show examples
participate in raising kids, they become a closed knit family as they are involved in various activities
such
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as video
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
and cooking.
For example
Linking Words
, recent media in Korea reports that
child rearing
Add a hyphen
child-rearing
show examples
with all family
members
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bring about the
enhance
Replace the word
enhancement
show examples
of the relationship among them. As the example clearly illustrates, every family member should support
children
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together for
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
positive interaction. In conclusion, while I accept that nurturing kids by only
parents
Use synonyms
can sometimes be useful, it is no doubt that having a close relationship through
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nurturing is crucial in order to enhance communication among family
members
Use synonyms
. What is more, it can be a chance to decrease the generation
gab
Correct your spelling
gap
show examples
as grandparents can participate in
child rearing
Add a hyphen
child-rearing
show examples
.
Submitted by hiasince38 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

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Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • extended family
  • support
  • emotional stability
  • diverse experiences
  • perspectives
  • strong bonds
  • sense of belonging
  • multiple caregivers
  • burden
  • balanced parenting
  • find a balance
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