IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people
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In
this
Linking Words
 contemporary life, a number of
people
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 living a sedentary life; they consume beverages and snacks
having
Change preposition
with having
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significant
Add an article
a significant
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 amount of sugary content which
predispose
Correct subject-verb agreement
predisposes
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 to many health issues. Individuals should be motivated by
Use synonyms
cost
Correct article usage
the cost
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 augmentation of
such
Linking Words
products
Use synonyms
 to keep them fit and fine. I partially agree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the given notion as
high
Add an article
the high
show examples
Use synonyms
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
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 can impact
lifestyle
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the lifestyle
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 of average
people
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. Due to
Correct article usage
an extravagance
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extravagance
Replace the word
extravagant
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 lifestyle,
people
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 consume outside foods having
sugar
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 as the main ingredient, and by consuming
such
Linking Words
 food and
drinks
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 they are welcoming
disease
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diseases
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 like Diabetes. Levying a high
cost
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 on
such
Linking Words
products
Use synonyms
 can not only limit
the
Change the word
their
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 usage of them but
also
Linking Words
 spread awareness of
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 perilous impact of it.
For example
Linking Words
, if the government increase the
cost
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 of beverages
contain
Wrong verb form
containing
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 more
sugar
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, individuals may stop drinking
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 and find alternate healthy
drinks
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
, increasing
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cost
Correct article usage
the cost
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 of sweetener
products
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 can keep
people
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 safe from different health issues.
However
Linking Words
, most of the shops are selling sugary
products
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 as it is tasty and
people
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 can easily afford
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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. Making it expensive can still not make any difference to an opulent public, but one who
work
Change the verb form
works
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 hard to regulate their home might not
comfortable
Add a missing verb
be comfortable
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 with
high
Correct article usage
the high
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 price.
Majority
Correct article usage
The majority
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 of the average
people
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,
for instance
Linking Words
, consume
such
Linking Words
 foods and
drinks
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 while celebrating
particular
Add an article
a particular
the particular
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 occasion, and for
them
Add a comma
,them
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 it will be just an extra burden of
cost
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.
Hence
Linking Words
, rather than selling sugary
products
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
at
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high
Correct article usage
a high
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price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
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, an alternate solution to make
sugar
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 free diet should be approached. In conclusion,
people
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 are more habituated to
eat
Wrong verb form
eating
show examples
 packed food and
drinks
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 which contains a plethora of
sugar
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, and by Inhaling it, one may cause serious diseases.
Make
Wrong verb form
Making
show examples
 sugary items expensive can be a solution;
nevertheless
Linking Words
, it will be an additional
cost
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the
people
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 who still use
such
Linking Words
 food occasionally.
Submitted by hvyas on

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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