IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

These days, more and more people are going to other countries for significant periods of time, either to find a job or to study. There are clearly many benefits to doing this, but people who live abroad can also face some difficulties.

Nowadays, a growing number of
people
Use synonyms
, especially young adults, find it attractive to spend an extended period of time overseas either for a better career opportunity or
further
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 education.
However
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, there are both pros and cons to deciding to do
this
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.
To begin
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 with, heading overseas is a chance to broaden your horizons. Specifically, you have the opportunity to meet
people
Use synonyms
 from different cultural backgrounds and learn to cope with foreign customs and food
while
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 immersing yourself in local culture.
This
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 can make you more rounded as a person.
Secondly
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, moving abroad can lead to a better quality of life.
For example
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, thousands of
people
Use synonyms
 from Vietnam move to Korea or Japan every year. These countries offer more opportunities to work or study
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 so that you can gain qualifications and language skills, which may improve promotion prospects on your return.
On the other hand
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, culture shock is a major problem. Many
people
Use synonyms
 take a year out and find it hard to cope with the language barrier, the food and general cultural differences.
This
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 often leads to homesickness and in some cases a sense of isolation. Another difficulty you may encounter is that it can be hard to start life from scratch.
In other words
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, you have to make new friends and find your place in the community.
This
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 process takes time and can be especially challenging if there is
also
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 a language barrier to deal with.
To sum up
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, starting life in a foreign country is never plain sailing. Personally, I believe the benefits in terms of personal growth eventually outweigh any negatives.

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task response
Your introduction clearly presents the topic and gives an overview of both sides of the argument. This is good. However, you could enhance clarity by explicitly stating your overall opinion in the introduction.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main point. While the ideas are good, the connection between some examples and main points can be clearer.
task response
Your examples are relevant and helpful, but adding more specific details or statistics could strengthen your argument and make your points more convincing.
task response
You did well to present both benefits and challenges of living abroad, showing a balanced view, which is important for task response.
coherence and cohesion
Your use of paragraphs helps the structure; each paragraph covers a distinct point, making it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
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