IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Establishing good relationships in the workplace is not important, as the primary goal of every person is to focus on work. To what extent do you agree?

#relationships #workplace #person #focus #work
Some people think that making better
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
 in the company is not essential because it makes employees not
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
concentrate on their
work
.
On the other hand
, I partly disagree with
this
 opinion as
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 relationship helps
work
 efficiency.
To begin
 with, excessive
relation
Fix the agreement mistake
relations
show examples
 between workers can harm
atmosphere
Correct article usage
the atmosphere
show examples
 in
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
show examples
. To illustrate, they may take too much time on relax or chat with their team members if people focus on making
connection
Fix the agreement mistake
connections
show examples
 rather than working.
This
 leads to
lessen
Change the verb form
lessening
show examples
amount
Add an article
the amount
show examples
 of
work
 which each
employees
Change to a singular noun
employee
show examples
 have to do on a day and
speed
Correct article usage
the speed
show examples
 of
work
 would decline while they working.
Therefore
, company profit would
be decrease
Change the verb form
be decreased
show examples
 because of
relationship
Correct article usage
the relationship
show examples
.
However
, Good
relation
Fix the agreement mistake
relations
show examples
 can make high efficiency
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
work
. High connection with co-workers can
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
 to communication skills in the business.
For example
, workers who are junior
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their job can speak their opinions easily to their boss or senior workers. Through
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 circumstances,
work
 atmosphere and cooperation between team can be better than
strictive
Correct your spelling
restrictive
 companies. To conclude
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, I believe that it is important to establish
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
 bond in
company
Add an article
the company
a company
show examples
 as it will make better
work
 efficiency while people
work
 in the business.
Therefore
, all companies should invest time
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 establishing
Add an article
a connection
show examples
connection
Fix the agreement mistake
connections
show examples
 in
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
show examples
.
Submitted by alsxm759 on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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