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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think young people should follow the traditions of their society. Others think that they should be free to behave as individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #traditions #society #individuals
People
 have dissenting views about whether youngsters nowadays are supposed to comply with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social conventions or feel free to show their individual personalities.
While
 there are certain benefits that can be gained from obeying social norms, I would argue that it is important to encourage young
people
 to have their own beliefs.
Someone
Correct your spelling
Some
show examples
 would say the reason for young
people
’s compliance with
society
 is that it can help to preserve the good values and cultural identity in one community.
Although
 social norms can sometimes mean restraints on young
people
, say the occupation or marriage choice, they
also
 involve certain traits that are beneficial to
society
.
For example
, if younger
people
 could learn the importance of respect, they
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
 treat the elders as a source of wisdom
instead
 of a burden to
society
.
In addition
, these traditions often encourage the young generation to put collective interests in the first place.
Accordingly
, a healthier social atmosphere will be created.
However
,
on the other hand
, in today’s modern
society
Add a comma
society,
show examples
 it is much more vital to have a group of youngsters with independent spirits, which in turn boosts creativity. If a 20-year-old knows
to
Rephrase
how to
show examples
 break the conventional practices, he/she is likely to achieve progress and innovation.
For instance
, many NBA players were raised in ghettos and could have ended up being in gangs or caught up in crimes. It is their courage and confidence to question the status quo that has made their dreams come true. There are
also
 young scientists at home and abroad who are inspired to make greater contributions to their
society
instead
 of being reliant on it. In conclusion,
although
 following the social mainstream plays a pivotal role in protecting the essence of one
society
, we should not let these norms stand in the way of young
people
’s growth into more adventurous ones.
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task achievement
Try to include a bit more specific detail and a few more examples to make your argument stronger.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your main points are consistently and fully supported to maintain clarity and depth in your arguments.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing good structure to the writing.
logical structure
Logical structure is well-maintained throughout the essay, making it easy to follow.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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