IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that violence on the television and in computer games has damaging effect on the society.Others deny that these factors have any significant inflence on peoples's behavior. What is yor opinion?

#people #violence #television #computer #games #effect #society #factors #inflence #peoples #behavior #yor
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Nowadays, there is no doubt
violence
Use synonyms
 in media is rising significantly. While some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that
this
Linking Words
 trend
undoubtbely
Correct your spelling
undoubtedly
 leads negatively for human's life of their future.
On the other hand
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, others claim that it has no
dangeros
Correct your spelling
dangerous
 influence
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
. In my opinion,
however
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, I
partialy
Correct your spelling
partially
 believe that
most
Change preposition
in most
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 cases media
violence
Use synonyms
 does
Correct your spelling
affect
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effect
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affect
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
peoples's
Remove the s
peoples'
show examples
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 and some of them do not take
personally
Replace the word
personality
show examples
 from fiction stories.
First
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 and foremost, it is commonly known that spending hours
people
Use synonyms
 either on the
screan
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screen
 as
watcing
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watching
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violence
Replace the word
violent
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movie series or playing on play station and new online
games
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 have become changes of
pesonality
Correct your spelling
personality
.
For example
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, who
play
Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
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 addicted activity both above mentioned TV and
games
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, he
waste
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wastes
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 much more
time
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 for those activities and he
spend
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spends
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 minimal
time
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for
Change preposition
on
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 daily normal routines
such
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 as spend quality
time
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 with the family and
sibblings
Correct your spelling
siblings
. To illustrate, that child might get
easilily
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easily
irritabble
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irritable
 or angry and it
developes
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develops
developed
 toward
agressive
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aggressive
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 if
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
encouurage
Correct your spelling
encourage
encouraged
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
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 engage more
time
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 for study or go for socialization
,
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apply
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 because their vision is to anxiously continue to watch that kind of movies or to win the
games
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 which they do.
Moreover
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,
people
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 can be
coppied
Correct your spelling
copied
 what they have seen on television especially catching negative
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
.
For instance
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,
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
there was some evidence
on
Change preposition
in
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 the "Times Oman"
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newspaper
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news paper
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newspaper
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 that
film
Correct article usage
the film
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 called "
Robbot
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Robot
 Man" , released and many
people
Use synonyms
watced
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watched
 in the
cenema
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cinema
 in 2020 has brought crucial disadvantage in Omani's community and
clture
Correct your spelling
culture
 that
grops
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groups
 of their national were
distroing
Correct your spelling
destroying
distorting
 expatriate's properties without major reasons and they wear showing anger towards other
contry
Correct your spelling
country
people
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 and expressed they
capabble
Correct your spelling
capable
 to do anything negatively and the authorities has to involve to solve that issue on
society
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 immediately. Despite
this
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, there are individuals who do crime or
violence
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to
Change preposition
against
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society
Use synonyms
is
Correct pronoun usage
who is
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 not
link
Wrong verb form
linked
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with
Change preposition
to
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 TV shows or computer/video
games
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use
Wrong verb form
used
show examples
 by them. In fact
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
behind
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a strong reason
suuch
Correct your spelling
such
 as his family background. To explore
this
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, a child has
the
Correct article usage
a
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 father who
adicted
Correct your spelling
addicted
 alcohol or illegal drugs, he might be abused family members, his wife and children, as a
reslt
Correct your spelling
result
perticlar
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particular
 child
shwos
Correct your spelling
shows
 violent
actitute
Correct your spelling
attitude
activate
aptitude
 towards friends and the
society
Use synonyms
 due to
pressuure
Correct your spelling
pressure
 from his abusive father. In conclusion,
althouugh
Correct your spelling
although
though
,
people
Use synonyms
 do reaction to negatively to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
 result of influence after watching
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
violence
Replace the word
violent
show examples
televion
Correct your spelling
television
 or
games
Use synonyms
,
However
Linking Words
, it is important to consider
that
Correct determiner usage
the
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 reason behind other factors as the
person's
Change noun form
person
show examples
face
Correct subject-verb agreement
faces
show examples
 problems from his family.
Submitted by rdbowalgaha on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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