IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #sense #competition #children #co-operate #adults
The discussion of what kind of personality should be encouraged is of great concern. Some people believe that a sense of
competition
 is more useful, whereas others argue that
cooperation
 is of paramount importance to
children
. In my opinion,
competition
 and
cooperation
 are not mutually exclusive, and both
competition
 and
cooperation
 should be encouraged in
children
. A sense of
competition
 contributes to individuals’ success and social progress. It is widely acknowledged that
competition
 plays a considerable part in motivating individuals to perform better. In another word, it can drive
children
 to be better in both academic performance, self-discipline, career success and other aspects. The sports
competition
 is a good telling example. It is a sense of
competition
 that motivates athletes to break records and pushes them to achieve their career success. A leader who is told to be competitive in childhood is more likely to provide better services or cutting-edge products since he is not willing to be left behind and
then
 make
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
every effort to create new ideas, which can
therefore
 promote social progress.
On the other hand
,
cooperation
 helps
children
 to improve their communication and organization
skills
, which play a significant role in work. In most cases, the main purpose for
cooperation
 is accomplishing a task or reaching a consensus, so organizing a meeting seems necessary. To organize a meeting, team leads need to coordinate with the place where the meeting is held, and the time when all members are available, which
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
 a good chance for team leaders to foster their
organization
Replace the word
organisational
show examples
skills
. And during the meeting, members share their thoughts with others, by which they can improve their communication
skills
. Both of them are useful
skills
 in work, for they are conducive to work efficiency and
effectivity
Replace the word
effectiveness
show examples
. To conclude, from my perspective,
competition
 and
cooperation
 should be encouraged in
children
, since they are favourable to individuals and society to a certain extent.
Submitted by monicahe0211 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • encourage
  • compete
  • cooperate
  • useful
  • adults
  • skills
  • motivation
  • drive
  • resilience
  • failure
  • workplace
  • empathy
  • social skills
  • reduce
  • stress
  • pressure
  • balanced
  • approach
  • ideal
What to do next:
Look at other essays: