IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

An increasing number of people choose to live in big cities. What the problems will this bring about? Should the government encourage people to live in small town?

#people #cities #government #town
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Nowadays, more and more
people
Use synonyms
 are moving from rural to urban areas in
order
Use synonyms
 to explore surplus
opportunities
Use synonyms
 and earn money. Due to
this
Linking Words
, bigger
cities
Use synonyms
 are getting more populated and resources are getting
delpleated
Correct your spelling
depleted
 as compared to villages.
This
Linking Words
 essay entails
to cover
Change the verb form
covering
show examples
 the problems that it may arise and steps that government can take to motivate
people
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 to stay back in smaller
towns
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. There are many reasons that
people
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 from small
towns
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 move to bigger
cities
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 and the main reason
being
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
 of job
opportunities
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, health facilities, education and standard of living that they expect to have.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they tend to shift in
order
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 to make money and support their family back in their hometown.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 leads to a lot of problems like metropolitan
cities
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 are getting crowded,
polluted
Correct word choice
and polluted
show examples
 and day-to-day
iems
Correct your spelling
items
 are getting costlier because demand is high and supply is low.
Example
Change preposition
For example
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,
demand
Add an article
the demand
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of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 oil is very high as compared to the supply which is why there is a hike in oil price.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
naural
Correct your spelling
natural
 resources like water and trees are getting
depleated
Correct your spelling
depleted
 in big
cities
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, more
people
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 have now moved to
urban
Add an article
an urban
the urban
show examples
 area and they require
house
Add an article
the house
a house
show examples
 to live
hence
Linking Words
 deforestation is being done to
accomodate
Correct your spelling
accommodate
 all of them.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, in
villages
Add a comma
,villages
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 the houses that were built are mostly empty and
majority
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the majority
a majority
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 of the younger population have moved to big
cities
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 leaving behind elderlies. The work like farming, milking cows, driving tractors
etcetra
Correct your spelling
etcetera
 in small
towns
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require
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requires
show examples
 manual labour which cannot be carried out by elderly
people
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.
Therfore
Correct your spelling
Therefore
,
government
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the government
show examples
 should take certain measures to encourage
people
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 to live in small
towns
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 like building hospitals and ensuring doctors are available all the time, monitoring education in schools and giving financial incentives to companies in
order
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 to attract them to set their set up in rural areas which will create business
opportunities
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 for
people
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. In
order
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 to avoid
people
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 from moving to bigger
cities
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 government can introduce measures to draw the attention of
people
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 to stay back in small
towns
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 by
providng
Correct your spelling
providing
 better healthcare facilities, education and job
opportunities
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by biswal.akankshya on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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