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Writing Samples
Band 6

In some countries, there has been an increase in adverstisements that try to persuade children to buy snacks, toys and other items. Parents often argue that these announcements are unfair. Discuss both perspectives and give your opinion?

#countries #adverstisements #children #snacks #toys #items #parents #announcements #perspectives
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It is often argued that there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 rising
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of
commercials
 to motivate
minors
 to buy products in some nations, whilst others disagree and think that these are not beneficial for the
children
.
This
 essay will discuss both the perspective and why I believe that
parents
Change noun form
parents'
parent's
show examples
 concerns hold true. On the one hand, there are nations which focus on
commercials
 to motivate
minors
 to buy their displayed products
such
 as toys and snacks.
This
 is largely due to their
profit based
Add a hyphen
profit-based
show examples
 objective. Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the companies attain huge benefits in their sales through
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
advertisements. These
commercials
 are
targetted
Correct your spelling
targeted
show examples
 to influence the psychology of
children
.
Consequently
, they become motivated and enforce their parents to buy for them. A recent study by the New York Times concluded that announcements of toys and snacks
especially
Replace the word
specially
show examples
 made for the young groups
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 surged the sales of organisations by threefold in
comprison
Correct your spelling
comparison
 to the other announcements.
However
, these toys can boost the creativity among
children
such
 as legos
enahnce
Correct your spelling
enhance
the
Change the word
their
show examples
coginitive
Correct your spelling
cognitive
 skills and motor abilities which has
strong
Add an article
a strong
show examples
 influence
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their
Correct your spelling
later
show examples
latter
Correct your spelling
later
show examples
 life.
On the other hand
, there are parents who think that advertisements
Replace the word
affect
show examples
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 their academic performance.
This
 is because
minors
 are becoming more
addictive
Replace the word
addicted
show examples
 to them and
this
 will lead to
wastage
Replace the word
waste
show examples
 of time.
As a result
, they can not concentrate on their academic studies and
this
 will lower their grades significantly.
For instance
, these days
school going
Add a hyphen
school-going
show examples
children
 often play video games
such
 as Pubg and call of duty, which consume
invaluable
Add an article
the invaluable
show examples
 time
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their studies.
Therefore
,
announcementscan
Correct your spelling
announcements can
announcements
 hinder the progress of the
children
's future in attaining good jobs. In conclusion,
although
 advertisements are profit-driven they can have few benefits in terms of
development
Correct article usage
the development
show examples
 of
children
. I strongly believe that
commercials
 are misleading to
minors
, which might limit their future academic prospects.
Submitted by drvishal13 on

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