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Writing Samples
Band 6

In some countries, there has been an increase in adverstisements that try to persuade children to buy snacks, toys and other items. Parents often argue that these announcements are unfair. Discuss both perspectives and give your opinion?

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It is often argued that there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 rising
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of
commercials
Use synonyms
 to motivate
minors
Use synonyms
 to buy products in some nations, whilst others disagree and think that these are not beneficial for the
children
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both the perspective and why I believe that
parents
Change noun form
parents'
parent's
show examples
 concerns hold true. On the one hand, there are nations which focus on
commercials
Use synonyms
 to motivate
minors
Use synonyms
 to buy their displayed products
such
Linking Words
 as toys and snacks.
This
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 is largely due to their
profit based
Add a hyphen
profit-based
show examples
 objective. Most
of
Change preposition
apply
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the companies attain huge benefits in their sales through
the
Correct article usage
apply
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advertisements. These
commercials
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 are
targetted
Correct your spelling
targeted
show examples
 to influence the psychology of
children
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.
Consequently
Linking Words
, they become motivated and enforce their parents to buy for them. A recent study by the New York Times concluded that announcements of toys and snacks
especially
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specially
show examples
 made for the young groups
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 surged the sales of organisations by threefold in
comprison
Correct your spelling
comparison
 to the other announcements.
However
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, these toys can boost the creativity among
children
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such
Linking Words
 as legos
enahnce
Correct your spelling
enhance
the
Change the word
their
show examples
coginitive
Correct your spelling
cognitive
 skills and motor abilities which has
strong
Add an article
a strong
show examples
 influence
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their
Correct your spelling
later
show examples
latter
Correct your spelling
later
show examples
 life.
On the other hand
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, there are parents who think that advertisements
Replace the word
affect
show examples
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 their academic performance.
This
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 is because
minors
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 are becoming more
addictive
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addicted
show examples
 to them and
this
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 will lead to
wastage
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waste
show examples
 of time.
As a result
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, they can not concentrate on their academic studies and
this
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 will lower their grades significantly.
For instance
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, these days
school going
Add a hyphen
school-going
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 often play video games
such
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 as Pubg and call of duty, which consume
invaluable
Add an article
the invaluable
show examples
 time
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their studies.
Therefore
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,
announcementscan
Correct your spelling
announcements can
announcements
 hinder the progress of the
children
Use synonyms
's future in attaining good jobs. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 advertisements are profit-driven they can have few benefits in terms of
development
Correct article usage
the development
show examples
 of
children
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. I strongly believe that
commercials
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 are misleading to
minors
Use synonyms
, which might limit their future academic prospects.

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