IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

some people say that it is not possible to be happy without money, while others think that money does not guarantee happiness. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #money #guarantee #happiness
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Some
people
 say that it is not possible to be happy without
money
.
This
 thought is coming from a place of need and absence of
money
. One may say that
money
 is associated with material gains only
however
, a hospital is a place where
people
 with
money
also
 may find themselves wishing for a miracle. The other point of view stating
money
 does not guarantee
happiness
 though somewhat correct is not completely defining. At the time of
covid
Correct your spelling
COVID-19
, there were many
people
 who lost their lives because of the absence of funds and medical facilities. In my opinion,
Money
 can open doors to
happiness
however
,
happiness
 can not be just achieved by it. There are
people
 with riches beyond comprehension, stuck in the past or slaves to their greed, who are unable to find peace even with all that wealth. The thought of retaining, and securing the
money
 keeps them up at night. And
then
 there are
people
 for whom every single day is a new survival story, they do not know where they will get their next meal and for
such
people
, I do agree that
money
 can give them a reason to look forward to another day. For kids lollygagging in parks, running around without a care in the world,
money
 does not matter, what matters is the fact that their friends are out in the field playing with them. The true source of
happiness
 I believe is a shoulder to cry and someone to share your smiles and sorrow with.
Submitted by outpost.03.cameo on

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples or evidence to support your points, which will make your argument more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your ideas are clearly explained and connected throughout the essay to enhance the overall logical flow.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing your argument effectively.
task achievement
The essay presents both sides of the argument and offers a thoughtful personal opinion, addressing the scope of the task.
logical structure
You have structured the essay well, which assists in maintaining coherence and cohesion throughout your writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic security
  • enriching experiences
  • broaden horizons
  • emotional well-being
  • materialism
  • asset management
  • life satisfaction
  • fundamental needs
  • reduce stress
  • enabling experiences
  • emotional needs
  • accumulate wealth
  • never-ending cycle
  • subjective
  • multifaceted
What to do next:
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