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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say now there is less communication between family members than in the past. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #communication #members
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Communication
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 between
members
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have
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has
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 been crucial in maintaining strong bonds in a family. Nowadays, experts suggest that there is decreased interaction within
family
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the family
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. As
evidence
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evidenced
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from
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by
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 the rising priority of
work
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 and career and the advent of
computer
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computers
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 and technology in our everyday lives, I agree that the reduction in
communication
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 between family
members
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 is becoming more prevalent. The culprit of
this
Linking Words
 problem lies in modernization.
Industriali
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Industrial
 zation of cities has brought about various changes, including
change
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changes
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 in
people
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's
lifestyle
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lifestyles
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 and
preference
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preferences
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. Previously,
majority
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the majority
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 of the society
were
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was
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 family-centred, where
people
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spending
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spent
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large
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a large
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 amount of time with their families .
However
Linking Words
, with modernization,
people
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 have grown to be more self-centred, with
shift
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a shift
the shift
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 of priorities from family to
work
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 and career development. A striking example would be the long hours
people
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 spend at
work
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 now, compared with decades ago. Research by
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University
Univeristy
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the Univeristy
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 of Hong Kong revealed that over three-quarters of the population spend over eight hours at
work
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 every day including weekends,
wheras
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whereas
 only less than half of the society spend similar hours at
work
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 three decades ago. The longer time parents spend at
work
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, the lesser time for them to chat and take care of their
offsprings
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offspring
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.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
communication
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 within the family would be inevitably compromised.
Moreover
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, the situation
is aggravate
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is aggravated
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 by
advancement
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advancements
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 in computer technology. Family
members
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 are often too busy playing on the computer or roaming online
,
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apply
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 and gradually become negligent of their loved ones who live with them.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, crucial face-to-face interactions between family
members
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 have drastically reduced, leading to
sense
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a sense
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 of loneliness and isolation. A good illustration would be my uncle Tim. He lives with his family, but only
communicate
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communicates
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 with them using online tools like Facebook and Whatsapp, and only talks to them once in a blue moon. To conclude,
interaction
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the interaction
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 between family
members
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 hsd dramatically reduced nowadays
as a result
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 of modernization and
development
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the development
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 of online technology. It is crucial that we should look into the crux of
this
Linking Words
 problem and introduce measures to avoid
further
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communication
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 breakdown in families.
Submitted by ichtsang on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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