IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Most adults are not doing exercise.Some people think that showing sports events like olympics and world cup will encourage them to exercise. Others believe that some other methods can be used for it. Discuss both the views and give your opinion

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Appealing to sedentary life has become prevalent among adult societies.
Although
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 it is argued that some tournaments
such
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 as the Olympics and the World Cup could intense the population to do activity, I firmly agree with those who think other methods can be more essential for promoting workouts in public like social
media
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 and developing
exercise
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 equipment.
Firstly
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, I acknowledge that watching
sports
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 matches
such
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 as the Olympics could motivate the public to do activities
due to
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 the high level of athletes' fitness and healthy bodies,the problem is that
this
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 approach is still inactive work and sometimes, may cause bad eating habits. Many adults tend to consume junk food
while
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 watching
sports
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 events.
Moreover
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, I think the worst thing is that
,
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apply
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 many crowds do not think about how the athlete has worked hard and how much time or money he has allocated for sport.
This
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 may mean setting unachievable goals in society in terms of doing
exercise
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.
Secondly
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, in my opinion, there are some other ways to intense the public to do regular
exercise
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. The authority plays an important role in promoting sport in society by providing adequate and useful
sports
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 facilities in public areas
such
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 as parks.
Moreover
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, the government should implement some strategies that make
exercise
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 compulsory law for workers and employees. I think
,
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apply
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 the most effective way to encourage adults to do sport would be the use of social
media
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 since the impact of
this
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 area on the community is undeniable. If the government design some attractive program about doing regular
exercise
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 and its benefits.
This
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 seems to encourage the vast majority of people who use social
media
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 and in
also
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, and they may
also
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 impact their friends and relatives. All of being said, many people prefer not to do regular
sports
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 activities.
Sports
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 tournaments
such
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 as the Olympics are said to encourage people to do regular
exercise
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.
However
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, I wholeheartedly believe that the government play an essential role in society's workout by providing enough equipment and creating some programs on social
media
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
To strengthen your task achievement, try to include more specific examples and statistics to support your arguments. This can help illustrate your points more vividly and make your essay more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Improve your coherence by ensuring that all your ideas are clearly linked and transition smoothly. Using consistent paragraph structures can help maintain a logical flow in your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a good overall structure to your argument.
task achievement
Each paragraph builds on a main point, and you successfully discuss both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced approach.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Encourage
  • Motivation
  • Broadcasting
  • Sportsmanship
  • Initiatives
  • Incentives
  • Tailored
  • Community-based
  • Accessibility
  • Technological solutions
  • Personalized exercise plans
  • Flexibility
  • Convenience
  • Chronic diseases
  • Mental health
  • Life expectancy
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