IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

BULLYING BEHAVIOR HAS BECOME A MAJOR PRLEM AT SCHOOLS. WHAT ARE THE CAUSES AND SOLUTIONS TO THE PROBLEM?

One critical issue we have in schools nowadays is bullying,
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 can be a result of bad parenting.
Also
Linking Words
, no serious punishment is issued to the bully. I suggest that a solution to
this
Linking Words
 is for parents to discipline their kids better when
such
Linking Words
 an issue arises.
Also
Linking Words
, anyone found engaging in
such
Linking Words
 activities should be punished and made an example.
Firstly
Linking Words
, one of the main causes of
this
Linking Words
 act is that kids at an early age tend to learn
this
Linking Words
 from people around them.
For example
Linking Words
, a child who views his father as a hero would certainly think it is fine to abuse others if his dad abuses other people. I suggest that a solution to
this
Linking Words
 is for children to be taught empathy by guardians
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 make sure they understand the effect of their actions, especially on other kids.
In addition
Linking Words
, teachers should
also
Linking Words
 make sure children are taught
nobody
Correct word choice
that nobody
show examples
 is above the other. Another cause of bullying is that people who engage in
this
Linking Words
 practice tend to mostly get away with it
, if
Punctuation problem
. If
show examples
 most bullies understood that there is a punishment for
this
Linking Words
 behaviour, I believe it
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
 reduce the amount of bullying in schools.
For example
Linking Words
, a child who knows he would be expelled if he engages in
this
Linking Words
 practice would watch himself carefully. I believe another solution is that knowing the consequences of
such
Linking Words
 an act will play a huge role and
save
Wrong verb form
saving
show examples
 a lot of children from being victims of
such
Linking Words
 abuse. In conclusion,
this
Linking Words
 practice of bullying has caused a lot of damage to the bully and more damage to the
victim
Punctuation problem
victim,
show examples
 as most of them tend to lose confidence and become emotionally damaged.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I believe that the best remedy is for parents, teachers and the school to educate and make policies for anyone found practising
this
Linking Words
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Make a clear plan for the essay: a short intro, 2 body parts, and a short end.
content
Give more deep ideas and proof for each point, not only talk.
coherence
Use links to show how one idea leads to the next.
grammar/vocabulary
Use simple words and short sentences, and check long ones.
content
The essay has a clear talk about why bullying happens and how to fix it.
structure
The ending restates the idea in a small way.
lexical
Words are easy to read and not hard to spell.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: