Oler people after retirement choose spending money for themselves (on holiday) rather than saving money for their children. Is it a positive or negative development?

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Currently,

people

Use synonyms

have different views on retirement

life

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. I think elderly

people

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spend

Wrong verb form

spending

show examples

money

Use synonyms

on themselves is a positive trend. One of the significant benefits of

this

Linking Words

trend is that it improves older

people

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life

Use synonyms

quality. After taking care of their

children

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for decades and devoting their best years to

the

Change the word

their

show examples

employers,

this

Linking Words

is the reward they earned.

Moving

Wrong verb form

Move

show examples

to a new house in rural areas to get away from traffic and air pollution, keep any kinds of plants or

flower

Fix the agreement mistake

flowers

show examples

they want in their backyards, or

learning

Wrong verb form

learn

show examples

instruments and

painting

Replace the word

paint

show examples

. Retirement is the beginning of their new

life

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Moreover

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

will improve their health. Many elderly

people

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feel

loneliness

Replace the word

lonely

show examples

, and their

children

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have no time to pay a visit because of work pressure. Spending

money

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instead

Linking Words

of saving for their

children

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such

Linking Words

as leisure and recreation, can keep them in a good mode.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, more and more countries are entering

Correct article usage

an aging

show examples

aging

Change the spelling

ageing

show examples

society, if everyone is saving

money

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for their

children

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, the economy will stagnant. Spending on entertainment activities

such

Linking Words

traveling

Change the spelling

travelling

show examples

and

purchase

Wrong verb form

purchasing

show examples

merchandises

Fix the agreement mistake

merchandise

show examples

and gifts on holidays will create more job opportunities, which will benefit the whole society.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, we can not neglect the side effects it brings. There is a concern that without parents’ financial assistance, many young

people

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may suffer from high pressure. Especially in those countries where house prices and the cost-of-living stay at a high level,

which

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

their incomes fail to keep up with the inflation.

For example

Linking Words

to purchase

Change the verb form

purchasing

show examples

an apartment

with

Change preposition

show examples

60 square meters in Beijing will empty six wallets of a family, the

couple's

Change noun form

couple

show examples

and their four parents'.

Challenge

Add an article

The challenge

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always comes with opportunity. Parents can take

this

Linking Words

chance to alter their educational strategy, which helps to cultivate their

children

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's independence. The young generation needs to face their

life

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all by themselves and the mindset of relying on parents is no longer an option. Overall, I think older

people

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spend

Wrong verb form

spending

show examples

money

Use synonyms

for themselves

instead

Linking Words

of saving for

children

Use synonyms

is a positive trend.

This

Linking Words

is beneficial not only to old

people

Use synonyms

’s welfare but

also

Linking Words

to young adults’ development.

baoyiran019Mon May 09 2022

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

349 words

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Oler people after retirement choose spending money for themselves (on holiday) rather than saving money for their children. Is it a positive or negative development?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Parents should be required to attend parenting courses every year to bring up their children well and give them a better environment for growth? To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some children nowadays take sports seriously while others play sports in their free time. Is it a postive or negative development? Give your own opinion and examples

The use of mobile phones is as antisocial as smoking. Smoking is banned in certain places so mobile phones should be banned like smoking. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many people around the world use social media every day to keep in touch with other people and get news events. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?