IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past thirty years that many cities in the world are now ‘one big traffic jam’. How true do you think this statement is? What measures can governments take to discourage from using their cars?

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In the
last
 three decades, the number of
people
 using their private cars has risen significantly. Because of
this
, today's cities are challenged by traffic congestion. In my perspective,
this
 statement is completely true and will be discussed in the following paragraphs. Owning private cars, in my opinion, is commonly associated with social status, which means that having an automobile becomes a symbol of success in terms of financial stability. In many developing
countries
, if someone has the ability to buy a
car
, others will respect them.
Therefore
, many
people
 try to purchase it even though they should have a mortgage from the bank.
In addition
 to
this
, governments do not take higher taxes from them.
Consequently
, the number of
car
 vehicles is growing compared to previous decades. To combat
this
 problem, governments should increase taxes on automobiles.
This
 policy can lead
people
 to take consideration before buying a
car
.
Furthermore
, the
authority
Fix the agreement mistake
authorities
show examples
 could allocate a large amount of money from
this
 tax to improve the quality of public transport. In several cities in some advanced
countries
such
 as the UK and Netherlands, they provide excellent service for public transport
such
 as convenient waiting rooms, good maintenance, and affordable ticket prices.
This
 policy,
hence
, could be implemented in other
countries
 in order to create a better traffic jam and to ensure the safety of their
people
. In conclusion,
while
 having a private
car
 is becoming popular in many
countries
, it is crucial for the government to tackle
this
 issue by introducing higher taxes for them that can reduce the number of cars on roads and encourage
people
 to use modes of public transportation.
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structure
The essay has a well-defined structure with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, ensure that all ideas presented are fully developed, particularly the mention of government policies in the UK and Netherlands, which could be elaborated upon with specific examples.
details
While the essay offers relevant examples and a logical flow, it would benefit from providing more specific evidence or statistics to strengthen the arguments. For instance, mention specific public transportation improvements and how they effectively reduced congestion in certain cities.
content
The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the increase in car ownership and suggesting measures to mitigate the issue. The introduction and conclusion are well-crafted and provide a clear perspective.
structure
The logical structure and cohesiveness of the essay are strong. The transition between paragraphs is smooth, and each paragraph supports the main thesis clearly.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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