IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In most countries, prison is the most common ~Solution when people commit a crime. However, if they were to receive better education, it Could prevent them from becoming criminals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In
this
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 contemporary era, It has been a matter of worry because of the colossal
number
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in
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of
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 crime
rates
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 in multiple countries. Controversy exists as to whether getting
better
Correct article usage
a better
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 education might prevent people from being offenders. I vehemently
accord
Verb problem
agree
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 with the given statement
due to
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 the fact that it might reduce poverty and unemployment.
To begin
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 with. there are myriad reasons behind my agreement with
this
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 trend. The first and most prominent one is that practical
knowledge
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 would play a great role in order to reduce unemployment, which is the main reason behind most offences. To elucidate
further
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, a higher
number
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 of employment will diminish the poverty in a country,
thus
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 the crime
rates
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 will be decreased dramatically.
For instance
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, a survey conducted by ILO in 2015 in the UK
Concluded
Fix capitalization
concluded
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 that more than 43% of the inmates carried out crimes
as a result
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 of poverty.
Therefore
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, it is inevitable that better education can be able to curb the crime
rates
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. Is there any other reason behind my agreement ? Certainly, there are. Another paramount ground for my belief is that it will make them aware of different violations and laws, which might not be known to them. To decipher
this
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, better
knowledge
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 would not only increase awareness among the masses but
also
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 provide them with enough
knowledge
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 regarding laws and punishments
of
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for
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 different crimes.
For example
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, a large
number
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 of people do not have adequate
knowledge
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 about traffic rules,
hence
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, they often
occur
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commit
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 crimes like over-speeding and drunk driving.
Consequently
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, proper learning should be provided to every individual as it is important to reduce the
number
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 of offenders.
To conclude
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, in spite of
having
Unnecessary verb
apply
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the fact that there might be other factors in order to prevent felonies, better learning is the most effective one because it reduces the unemployment and poor
rates
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 of a nation.
Nevertheless
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, governments should focus on providing education to all the masses.

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task response
The essay partially addresses the prompt. It discusses the role of education in reducing crime, but needs to explore the opposing argument as well.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay is somewhat disjointed and lacks coherence. Consider organizing the ideas into clearer paragraphs and using transition words for better cohesion.
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