IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

students leave high school without learning the way how to manage their money. what are the reasons and solutions for this issue?

#students #school #money
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Recently, plenty of young children lack knowledge about financial management. I think that problem is caused by the schools and the
parents
Use synonyms
 not
teach
Wrong verb form
teaching
show examples
 them and I believe that the
parents
Use synonyms
 need to put more attention on teaching them how to manage
money
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, many teenagers lack the ability to manage budgets. For the
first
Linking Words
reasons
Fix the agreement mistake
reason
show examples
, the teenagers who grow up in a rich
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 with their
parents
Use synonyms
, which means they have no need to worry about
consumptions
Fix the agreement mistake
consumption
show examples
,
such
Linking Words
 as rental fees, bills, or
buy
Wrong verb form
buying
show examples
 food.
For example
Linking Words
, many of my classmates are
allow
Wrong verb form
allowed
show examples
 to play all day,
seeing
Wrong verb form
see
show examples
a movies
Correct the article-noun agreement
a movie
movies
show examples
,
going
Wrong verb form
go
show examples
 to enmainments and
playing
Replace the word
play
show examples
 games, because their
parents
Use synonyms
 give them
everythings
Correct your spelling
everything
, so they do not have to earn
salary
Add an article
a salary
show examples
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the schools only pay attention
on
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 young people's
achivements
Correct your spelling
achievements
achievement
.
As a result
Linking Words
, a rich environment makes teenagers not realize the
important
Replace the word
importance
show examples
 of financial management.
Secondly
Linking Words
, saving
money
Use synonyms
 and the importance of earning
salary
Correct article usage
a salary
show examples
 can be taught by
parents
Use synonyms
 in daily life. As
parents
Use synonyms
 play a severe role in children’s
life
Replace the word
lives
show examples
, they can educate their children
start
Add the particle
to start
show examples
 from small things.
For instance
Linking Words
, the younger people acquired toys by doing housework when they demand a toy,
instead
Linking Words
 of giving them
money
Use synonyms
 to buy it. In doing so,
younagers
Correct your spelling
youngsters
youngers
younger
 can
Change the verb form
learn
be learning
show examples
learning
Add the particle
tolearning
show examples
 manage
money
Use synonyms
 from
small
Add an article
a small
show examples
 age. To sum up, a large number of students’ finances rely on their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
;
therefore
Linking Words
, they do not understand the
important
Replace the word
importance
show examples
 of saving or earning
money
Use synonyms
.
Hence
Linking Words
, It is important to educate them for life.
Submitted by Nikky on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: