IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Today, many young people spend too much of their free time at shopping malls. This can considered negative for young people and society generally. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #time #malls #society
Nowadays, the younger generation while away from their time at shopping centres. Some folks take a negative view of
this
 phoneme. In their opinion, it will bring drawbacks to the younger community and
furthermore
, affect society adversely. Below, I will illustrate how much I disagree with these points of view.
Firstly
, for individual respect, parts of society members argue that indulging themselves in wandering in shopping malls not only wastes time but
also
 over-spends on unnecessary stuff.
However
, in my totally oppositive opinion, those delicate goods drive young adults to set goals.
In other words
, the young population will work so hard that they are capable to purchase what they want. It teaches them a lesson, no pain no gain.
For example
, a lot of 20s girls go window-shopping to urge themselves to be diligent, in order to purchase bags with high-profile brands.
Second
, from a societal aspect, the more expenditure people have, the more thriving the domestic economy is. In the end, it will form a positive circulation of income which creates more job opportunities. Owing to more cash the vendors earn, they are willing to invest in the making which means recruiting more labours. When the community earn more, they prefer to spend on what they are craving. In a nutshell,
although
 spending free time at shopping malls can’t cause unexpected expenditure, it not only can boost the financial status of a country but
also
 make young citizens find purposes for work. Certainly, the pros overshadow the cons.
Submitted by lynchen0103 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: