IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Without capital punishment (the death penalty) our lives are less secure and crimes of violence increase. Capital punishment is essential to control violence in society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#punishment #death #penalty #lives #crimes #violence #control #society
The graph presents the data on the number of
times
 the fast
food
 eaten from 1975 to 2000 by Australian teenagers.
At
Change the preposition
In
show examples
 the beginning,
fish
 and
chips
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 the most popular followed by
pizza
 and
hamburgers
. But in the following years,
times
 eaten for
pizza
 and
hamburgers
 steadily rise with
times
 eaten for
fish
 and
chips
 decrease sharply in the contrast. In 2000,
hamburgers
 becomes the most popular
food
 with
pizza
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
second
 place.
Firstly
, from 1975 to 1980,
times
Correct article usage
the times
show examples
 eaten
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
fish
 and
chips
 is around 90 per year for teenagers,
times
Correct article usage
the times
show examples
 eaten
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
hamburgers
 and
pizza
 are
continuely
Correct your spelling
continually
 growing and
reach
Wrong verb form
reached
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
nearly 80 and 40 per year in 1980.
Moreover
, in the following decade,
times
Correct article usage
the times
show examples
 eaten for
fish
 and
chips
 drop rapidly while
Correct article usage
the times
show examples
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
 eaten for the other two fast
food
 are steadily increasing. Around 1985,
times
Correct article usage
the times
show examples
 eaten for hamburger intersects with
times
Correct article usage
the times
show examples
 eaten for
fish
 and
chips
,
then
 leave
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 behind. About five years later,
times
Correct article usage
the times
show examples
 eaten for
pizza
 does the same
for
Change preposition
as
show examples
times
 eaten for
fish
 and
chips
.
Lastly
, from 1990 to 2000, on one side,
times
Correct article usage
the times
show examples
 eaten for
hamburgers
 and
pizza
 reach the peak at 100 and 80
seperately
Correct your spelling
separately
 and remain. On the other side,
Correct article usage
the times
show examples
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
 eaten for
fish
 and
chips
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 still decreasing and
reach
Correct subject-verb agreement
reaches
show examples
 hit the rock bottom at 40 in the end. To sum up,
australian
Change the capitalization
Australian
show examples
 teenagers love
fish
Add the particle
to fish
show examples
 and
chips
initially
, but they transfer their interest to
hamburgers
 and
pizza
 in the following years. Ultimately,
hamburgers
 become the
food
 they like the most, with
fish
 and
chips
is
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 the least
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
.
Submitted by chengx on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: