IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think certain prisoners should be made to do unpaid community work instead of being put behind bars. To what extent do you agree?

#people #prisoners #community #work #bars
It is commonly believed by certain individuals that some
prisoners
 should punish to do society volunteer work
instead
 of staying in
jail
 for quite a long time. In my opinion, it is necessary to maintain the
punishment
 that stays in
jail
 and as the main action to restrict their behaviour.
Besides
, it encouraged to let
small
Add an article
a small
show examples
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 of people can choose to take part in charities works
instead
. On the one hand, it is essential to maintain the
jail
 as the majority of
punishment
.
Otherwise
,
prisoners
 would lose their frighten of
law
 due to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of suitable punishments.
For example
, if a young prisoner did not need to go to
jail
 or suffered other relevant punishments, they would not form a correct recognition of
law
 and values resulting
them
Change preposition
in them
show examples
 consistently repeating their wrong actions and made a huge disaster in the end. The aim of
punishment
 is to let
prisoners
 have the chance to identify the correct and wrong, which can permenent benefit their whole life.
On the other hand
, it is encouraged to let certain
prisoners
, which
breaks
Correct subject-verb agreement
break
show examples
 the
law
 by accident without causing enormous
damages
Fix the agreement mistake
damage
show examples
,
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
 as volunteers in society
instead
 of staying in
jail
 for quite a long time.
For young
Change preposition
Young
show examples
 children, whose age is under 18, might break the
law
 and regulations due to have not established comprehensive recognition of the
law
, and
such
 a special group of people may learn bad habits from other
prisoners
 who have repeated commit crimes several times. Regarding these special groups, it is necessary to take slightly actions. In conclusion, it is still a need to keep the bars in order to realize the goal of the criminal
law
, while, we can change specific
punishment
 depending on specific consequences and explore more efficient approaches that can balance the benefit between society and individuals.
Submitted by lijialisally on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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