IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think certain prisoners should be made to do unpaid community work instead of being put behind bars. To what extent do you agree?

#people #prisoners #community #work #bars
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It is commonly believed by certain individuals that some
prisoners
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 should punish to do society volunteer work
instead
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 of staying in
jail
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 for quite a long time. In my opinion, it is necessary to maintain the
punishment
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 that stays in
jail
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 and as the main action to restrict their behaviour.
Besides
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, it encouraged to let
small
Add an article
a small
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group
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groups
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 of people can choose to take part in charities works
instead
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. On the one hand, it is essential to maintain the
jail
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 as the majority of
punishment
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.
Otherwise
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,
prisoners
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 would lose their frighten of
law
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 due to
lack
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a lack
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 of suitable punishments.
For example
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, if a young prisoner did not need to go to
jail
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 or suffered other relevant punishments, they would not form a correct recognition of
law
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 and values resulting
them
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in them
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 consistently repeating their wrong actions and made a huge disaster in the end. The aim of
punishment
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 is to let
prisoners
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 have the chance to identify the correct and wrong, which can permenent benefit their whole life.
On the other hand
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, it is encouraged to let certain
prisoners
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, which
breaks
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break
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 the
law
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 by accident without causing enormous
damages
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damage
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,
working
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work
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 as volunteers in society
instead
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 of staying in
jail
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 for quite a long time.
For young
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Young
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 children, whose age is under 18, might break the
law
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 and regulations due to have not established comprehensive recognition of the
law
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, and
such
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 a special group of people may learn bad habits from other
prisoners
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 who have repeated commit crimes several times. Regarding these special groups, it is necessary to take slightly actions. In conclusion, it is still a need to keep the bars in order to realize the goal of the criminal
law
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, while, we can change specific
punishment
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 depending on specific consequences and explore more efficient approaches that can balance the benefit between society and individuals.
Submitted by lijialisally on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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