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Band 4

Many people today are choosing to travel to other countries. Why is this happening? Is this a positive or negative development?

#people #travel #countries #development
In the present day, most
people
are
Verb problem
have
show examples
 decided to
travel
 aboard than
travel
 domestically. From my point of view, there are many reasons to support
this
 idea and I imagine that
are
Correct pronoun usage
there are
show examples
 more positive developments than
negative
Correct pronoun usage
negative ones
show examples
.
This
 essay will
be analyzed
Wrong verb form
analyse
show examples
 the causes and positive breakthroughs of
travel
 worldwide.
To begin
 with, the main reasons which are the incentive to decide to
travel
aboard
Correct your spelling
abroad
show examples
 of many
people
 in the modern era. First of all, many
people
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
travel
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
new places for recreation and to study various things that are different from their place.
In other words
, individuals prefer to spend their interval time discovering something new in other
countries
.
For instance
, most parents and their children usually
visited
Wrong verb form
visit
show examples
 museums when they
travel
 to other
countries
 because parents are the most important
people
 to promote curiosity and child development.
Moreover
, some
people
travel
 abroad to relax from their stress by going to spectacular places
such
 as islands in foreign
countries
 that are not similar to their place.
In addition
, travelling abroad
render
Verb problem
allows
show examples
 tourists to learn about several cultures and well-being, leading to acceptance of differences.
Consequently
, the tendency
of travelling
Change preposition
to travel
show examples
 overseas is increasing,
tend
Wrong verb form
tending
show examples
 to positive development in various facets.
Firstly
, the country gains more money from tourists, resulting in a stronger economy.
Moreover
, travelling overseas
are improve
Wrong verb form
improves
show examples
 language skills and life experiences.
For example
, when going to other
countries
, most local
people
 usually speak their
language
Correct word choice
own language
show examples
, forcing tourists
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
to learn some local languages.
To conclude
, the main reasons that
render
Verb problem
apply
show examples
people
 choose to
travel
 overseas are recreational and learning something new. Leads to positive development in facets of the economy and life experience.
Submitted by pnnp on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear structure with weak linking devices between ideas.
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic but lacks depth and exploration of ideas. It lacks strong and clear arguments.
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