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Writing Samples
Band 5

The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#percentage #children #society #ten #years #effects #trend
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Obesity is a growing concern for all societies across the globe. A study in
western
Add an article
the western
show examples
 world reveals that there is
almost
Correct article usage
an almost
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 20
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 increase in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
overweight
children
Use synonyms
 in the
last
Linking Words
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
decade. There are various reasons for
this
Linking Words
 disturbing trend observed in societies and
also
Linking Words
 it has various negative consequences. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will briefly explain
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
food habit as a major cause of it and its negative effect on
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health
Correct article usage
the health
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economy
Correct word choice
and economy
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 of society.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the increasing trend of obesity in
children
Use synonyms
 is the result of
Add an article
a change
the change
show examples
change
Fix the agreement mistake
changes
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
food habit. Modern societies are tending to adopt sluggish lifestyles where
children
Use synonyms
 are generally consuming
large
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a large
show examples
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
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 of junk
foods
Use synonyms
 with minimal physical activities.
This
Linking Words
 change in diet system and consumption of junk
foods
Use synonyms
 leads to
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
 in body weight in
children
Use synonyms
. It is evident from a recent study that a school going child in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
take
Correct subject-verb agreement
takes
show examples
 approximately 60% of its daily diet requirement from fast
foods
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 increasing rate of people with obesity at
the
Correct article usage
an
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 early age of life has
negative
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a negative
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 impact on
health
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 both in
short-term
Correct article usage
the short-term
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 and long-term. Discussing one of the long-term
effect
Change to a plural noun
effects
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 of prolonged overweight is
chance
Correct article usage
the chance
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 of developing chronic diseases
such
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 as
diabetic
Replace the word
diabetes
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 and high blood pressure
at
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in
show examples
 the middle age of life. Ultimately,
this
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 results
into
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in
show examples
 high spending on
health
Use synonyms
 care and reduced efficiency in
economic
Correct article usage
the economic
show examples
 performances of individuals. Research study says that
,
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apply
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 the individuals
suffered
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suffering
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with
Change the preposition
from
show examples
 chronic diseases spend around 30% of their income on
health
Use synonyms
 care and their overall efficiency in the workplace
Linking Words
also
Add a missing verb
is also
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 reduced by 10%. In conclusion, it is correct to say that
quality
Correct article usage
the quality
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 of diet has
influence
Add an article
an influence
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 on weight imbalance in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
. The overweight is
result
Correct article usage
a result
show examples
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
over consumption
Correct your spelling
overconsumption
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 of high calorific junk and fast
foods
Use synonyms
. While
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the prolonged overweight has affected the
health
Use synonyms
 adversely by developing chronic diseases and
also
Linking Words
 affected
economic
Add an article
the economic
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 performance of individuals by increasing the spending on medical treatments and less efficient in
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
show examples
.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • overweight
  • obesity
  • caloric intake
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • screen time
  • physical education
  • nutritious
  • psychological well-being
  • self-esteem
  • socioeconomic
  • healthcare system
  • life expectancy
  • obesity-related complications
What to do next:
Look at other essays: