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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some parent spend a little free time with their children today. Why is it so? Why do you think this affects more, parents or children?

#parent #time #children #parents
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It is generally acknowledged that
parents
Use synonyms
 share little leisure
time
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 with their
children
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 in contemporary society.
This
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 essay will outline why they do not have enough
time
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 to spend with their
children
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 and illustrate the impacts on
children
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.
To begin
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 with,
parents
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 suffer from hectic schedules at work. Since the prices
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 gone up,
parents
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 need an excessive amount of money in order to achieve basic needs
such
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 as accommodation, food, and clothing. Paradoxically, as they have to work to support their
children
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, they cannot spend enough
time
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 with their
children
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.
Moreover
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, the number of single
parents
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 has increased as divorce
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
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 not have a stigma of shame. Single
parents
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 have to work and
house
Add a missing verb
do house
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chore
Fix the agreement mistake
chores
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in
Change preposition
during
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a
Correct article usage
the
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 day.
For example
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. Recent media in Korea has revealed that almost 20% of
children
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 who live with their single
parents
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 stayed alone on
children
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’s day. As the example clearly illustrates, single
parents
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 have little
time
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 to spend with their
children
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.
However
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,
such
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 trends affect
children
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’s
personality
Fix the agreement mistake
personalities
show examples
.
Firstly
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,
children
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 cannot learn the relationship
of
Change preposition
between
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parents
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
parents
Change noun form
parents'
parent's
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 roles as they do not have
change
Add an article
a change
the change
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 to learn them from their
parents
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.
Therefore
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, when the
children
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 become
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
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, they have difficulties
to understand
Change the verb form
understanding
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 parenthood.
In addition
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, if
parents
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 are not able to share
time
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 with their
children
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, the
children
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 might have mental health issues. They feel
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
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neglected, thereby causing a sense of depression and anxiety.
Finally
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,
children
Use synonyms
 can be exposed to violent games and sexual TV programs owing to the absence of
parents
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’ monitoring.
Hence
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, they can be involved in violent
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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 or fall into perverted
tendency
Fix the agreement mistake
tendencies
show examples
.
For instance
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, a survey conducted by Korea University reports that nearly 20% of
children
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 who have
raised
Add a missing verb
been raised
show examples
under
Change preposition
by
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 single
parents
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 are involved in delinquency.
Hence
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,
children
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 are affected harm by
parents
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 who cannot spend
time
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 with their kids. In conclusion, due to
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 financial status, and single parenting,
parents
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 cannot share enough
time
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 with their
children
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.
As a result
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,
such
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 problems affect their
children
Use synonyms
 not to understand
Use synonyms
parents’
Correct pronoun usage
their parents’
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role
Fix the agreement mistake
roles
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.
Additionally
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, they tend to have mental illnesses and inappropriate tendencies.
Submitted by hiasince38 on

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