IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

In some countries, online shopping is getting more popular and replacing shopping in stores. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #stores
In many countries, online shopping become more familiar
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 people. While
other
Correct pronoun usage
others
show examples
 said that shopping in stores is better than online shopping, I would hold the belief that it has many benefits when online shopping. Online shopping on the website has several advantages for customers.
Firstly
, with just a click, you could order a wide variety of
products
,
include
Wrong verb form
including
show examples
products
 only sold abroad,
such
 as cosmetics, clothes, and so on. What everyone
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 to do is pay
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
 items which are ordered.
Therefore
, all
goods
delivered
Add a missing verb
are delivered
show examples
 to
door
Correct article usage
the door
show examples
 after
Add a missing verb
being purchased
show examples
purchased
Replace the word
purchase
show examples
.
Secondly
, items on online
shop
Fix the agreement mistake
shops
show examples
 have reasonable prices with a lot of discounts.
As a result
, people might save money with those items. Online shopping has several disadvantages for customers.
Firstly
,
goods
 would be transported through many stages.
This
 may cause the
lost
Replace the word
loss
show examples
 of
goods
.
Secondly
, some actual
products
 may be different from
advertised
Correct article usage
the advertised
show examples
 images and
describe
Replace the word
descriptions
show examples
.
As a result
, it makes customers uncomfortable and their money
go
Change the verb form
goes
show examples
 to waste. While it is true that shopping in a store can easily choose the right
products
, I believe that online shopping allows
to expand
Change the verb form
expanding
show examples
products
 diversity
goods
.
Submitted by Eteacher on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: