Some people think that schools do not do enough to teach young people about how to look after their health. To what extent do you agree or disagree

It is often said that

children

should be sent to boarding

schools

due to its huge benefits, whereas some people feel that

this

is not an advisable decision. There are valid arguments on both sides, which I will discuss and give a concluding view now. On the one hand, supporters of boarding

schools

claim that students seem to learn to live more independently in

such

places, as they have to take care of themselves in many aspects. In fact,

this

could probably lead to them becoming increasingly self-reliant, which may be

Remove the article

apply

show examples

excellent preparation for youngsters before entering their adult lives.

However

, it must be said that many students appear to lack emotional

supports

Fix the agreement mistake

support

show examples

from their parents because they have to stay away from their families. Examples can be seen in many primary pupils living in boarding

schools

, who could feel

cut-off

Correct your spelling

cut off

show examples

and

stressful

Replace the word

stressed

show examples

, resulting in their academic underperformance.

On the other hand

, opponents of

this

view point

Correct your spelling

viewpoint

show examples

out that there are two main advantages which only day

schools

can provide.

Firstly

, many kids have the

needs

Correct subject-verb agreement

need

show examples

to join in various extracurricular activities

such

as doing sports or playing musical instruments with the sole purpose of relaxing. It must be said that students may not be provided with

such

activities if they are in boarding

schools

Secondly

, it seems vitally important for

children

to learn patterns of

behaviors

Change the spelling

behaviours

show examples

from their parents, as

this

could be maximized by interactions among family members.

This

can help kids to cultivate their civic sense

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

so that they will become productive members of society later on. In conclusion, it is logical to conclude that

children

attending ordinary

schools

may gain more advantages

such

as having time to pursue their hobbies or developing proper

behavioral

Change the spelling

behavioural

show examples

patterns compared to those who stay in boarding ones. It would appear that

children

should only attend boarding

schools

as long as they are interested

Change preposition

apply

show examples

Correct pronoun usage

themin

show examples

Submitted by saghar2164 on Thu May 12 2022

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

315 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6
band
It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree and disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?
It is essential for children from an early age to gain an understanding of what is appropriate and not. Hence, there is an opinion that to learn this, children need to be punished, so that they can realise the difference. I totally disagree with this statement, and this essay will explain why.
4.5
band
Nowadays, many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organization. Why might be this case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?
These days, people are used to be self-employed rather than serving to a company or organization. This is mainly because of the stressful condition of the companies. However, there are certain disadvantages associated with being self-employed especially, high risk of collapsing and need of investing more money initially.
5
band
In some countries, the role of a mother differs in some ways from the role of a father. Why do you think these differences exist? How might parental roles develop in the future?
It is true that in several countries, differences regarding parental roles can be obviously witnessed, which are possibly attributed to both internal and external factors. However, I strongly believe that these distinctions would be erased in foreseeable future with the rise in equality movement.
7.5
band
20.The world has many towns and cities constructed in previous centuries that were suitable and livable for people in those times. What problems will these ancient towns cause today? And what should be done to deal with that?
With the advancement of society, a phenomenon has been paid more attention by the public, which is that many towns and cities in the world were constructed in previous centuries and were suitable for citizens in the past time. However, this fact causes various troubles in modern lives. And this essay will analyze the issues from the transportation and the infrastructure aspects, and list possible solutions.
7
band
Many people are working at home rather than work place. Some people believe this will bring benefits to the workers and their families, but other suggest it will cause stress in the home. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Telecommunication becoming the modern method of doing production, which gives flexibility to all the workers. One school of thought that advantages of mobile working are on both personal and families level.While others have different opinion says it causes distress in the home environment.In the following paragraphs, I will put forward both the positive and negatives with my personal opinion.

Some people think that schools do not do enough to teach young people about how to look after their health. To what extent do you agree or disagree

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Nowadays, many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organization. Why might be this case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?

In some countries, the role of a mother differs in some ways from the role of a father. Why do you think these differences exist? How might parental roles develop in the future?

20.The world has many towns and cities constructed in previous centuries that were suitable and livable for people in those times. What problems will these ancient towns cause today? And what should be done to deal with that?

Many people are working at home rather than work place. Some people believe this will bring benefits to the workers and their families, but other suggest it will cause stress in the home. Discuss both views and give your opinion.