IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

People today do not feel safe either at home or when they are out. What are the causes? What are the solutions?

#people #home
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It is true that many
people
Use synonyms
 think that they are no longer safe either in their own houses or when they are in the street or other public places. Some causes for
this
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 feeling can be identified, but I believe that some solutions could help to allay those fears. The perception that society is unsafe and that
people
Use synonyms
 are at risk even at home stems from at least two important causes.
Firstly
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, the widening gap between the rich and the poor is one of the factors behind the rising crime rate in many countries. In Vietnam,
for example
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, burglary and robbery have become increasingly common, because some criminals turn to crime simply as a way to survive.
Secondly
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, everyone who uses the roads is aware of the dangers resulting from the dramatic increase in traffic. In the past, parents allowed their children to play freely in the street, but
this
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 is unthinkable nowadays. Some simple measures should be implemented to deal with these root causes of insecurity. It is necessary to provide more job training programs to help
people
Use synonyms
 out of poverty and
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 allay those fears. With increasing prosperity and opportunities, the need to steal from others would be reduced and everyone would feel safer. In terms of greater security on the roads, more surveillance cameras should be installed. These could be placed on trains and buses and
also
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 sited along major roads, which would help to ensure that motorists obeyed speed limits and
drive
Wrong verb form
drove
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 safely. The public would feel much safer knowing that
such
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 cameras were in place. In conclusion, the problem of poverty as a cause of burglary and robbery and the problem of road safety can be tackled by effective measures, giving
people
Use synonyms
 a greater sense of security.
Submitted by leanhhaohust on

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task response
Provide more specific examples to support the reasons and solutions provided. This will enhance the clarity and depth of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph is logically connected to the next to improve the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.
lexical resource
Expand the range of vocabulary used and include more formal language to demonstrate a higher level of lexical resource.
grammatical range
Use a wider variety of complex sentence structures and sentence types to showcase a broader grammatical range.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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