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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The government should pay to the parents of very young children, so that one of them can stay at home and look after their children. What do you think are the pros and cons of this policy? Justify your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

It has been argued that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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very young children’s
parents
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 should be paid
by
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for by
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 the
government
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.
As a result
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, one of
Use synonyms
parents
Add an article
the parents
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 can stay with their children to take care of them.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the benefits and drawbacks of
such
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 a measure. On the one hand, there are definite advantages to giving
money
Use synonyms
 to
parents
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 of young children in order to persuade them to stay with their child.
Firstly
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, by doing so their kids are likely to acquire a stable upbringing. In fact, most
of
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apply
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studies
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the studies
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 show that the
parents
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 have an active role in their children’s
life
Replace the word
lives
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 so that the appearance of them
beside
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apply
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their kids can significantly have positive effects on their personality.
Secondly
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,
this
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 measure can mentally put the
parents
Use synonyms
 in a good condition. If both
an
Change the article
a
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 young child’s
parents
Use synonyms
 are at work,
this
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 may cause stress in them and make them occupied.
Therefore
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, it not only would
adversly
Correct your spelling
adversely
 affect their mental health but
also
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 extremely decrease their efficiency
on
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in
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 their career.
On the other hand
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, paying
to
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apply
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
 from
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
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 can economically cause
Add an article
a problem
the problem
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problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
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. In other
Correct your spelling
words
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worlds
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words
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, due to
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government
Add an article
the government
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have
Wrong verb form
having
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 to allocate a great deal of
money
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 for all
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
parents
Add an article
the parents
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 of young kids, it is not able to address other issues of the country. By way of example, the problem of lacking enough educational and health
centers
Change the spelling
centres
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 would not be solved if
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government
Add an article
the government
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 allocates
budget
Correct article usage
the budget
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 to
sizeable
Change the article
a sizeable
the sizeable
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 number of
parents
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 of young children. On top of that,
this
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 can dramatically decrease the
parents
Use synonyms
’ productivity. Indeed,
pay
Wrong verb form
paying
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money
Use synonyms
 to
parents
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 seems to
incourage
Correct your spelling
encourage
 them to quit their occupation and just stay at home.
Thus
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 they can not find
Add an article
an opportunity
the opportunity
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opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
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 to flourish their talents and make the most of their potential. In conclusion,
therefore
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, the policy of giving
money
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 to young children’s
parents
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 in order to one of them can stay at home to look after their child clearly has benefits and detriments,
such
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 as increasing the quality of child’s upbringing and
also
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boost
Wrong verb form
boosting
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 their
parents
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’ mental health as pros and declining the ability of
government
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 to solve other economical issues of the country accompanied by discouraging
parents
Use synonyms
 to be active and productive as its cons.

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Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • formative years
  • cognitive development
  • financial burden
  • low-income families
  • gender roles
  • gender equality
  • workplace
  • economic strain
  • divert resources
  • public services
  • healthcare
  • education
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • economic growth
  • socialization
  • structured learning
  • daycare/early education programs
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