IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Pressure on the school and university students is increasing and students are pushed to work hard when they are young. Is this a positive or a negative developement?

There is a popular trend of pressure from some schools and
university
Fix the agreement mistake
universities
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, which makes
students
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work
Use synonyms
 harder. While
Correct pronoun usage
others
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other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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 said that working hard has more benefits for
students
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, I would hold the belief that it has
bad
Add an article
a bad
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Replace the word
effect
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affect
Correct your spelling
effect
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in
Change preposition
on
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 the future. Working hard has several advantages for
students
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.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
students
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 who choose to
work
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 hard when they are young. They could gain more knowledge and have time to enhance their skills.
As a result
Linking Words
, they would get better opportunities earlier.
For example
Linking Words
, my sister tried to start a business and was successful in
this
Linking Words
work
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, some people who have good motivation to study and research could figure out the right direction for themselves.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they may focus on professional development.
On the other hand
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, working hard too
ealier
Correct your spelling
earlier
also
Linking Words
have
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has
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 bad consequences for
students
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.
Firstly
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, they would not have enough time for
relaxtion
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relaxation
. If they
work
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 continuously without a break, it would affect
health
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their health
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 negatively,
such
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 as
headache
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headaches
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, sleeping
disorder
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disorders
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 or have
problem
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problems
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 with mental health.
Secondly
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,
students
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 may get burnt out too soon.
Burn out
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Burnout
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 makes people feel their emotions are blunted, it could
leads
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lead
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 to detachment and depression.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they would
loss
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lose
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 of
motivaions
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motivation
motivations
, ideals and hopes in their
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lives
life
lifes
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lives
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. While it is true that when
students
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 try hard, they may get better opportunities, I believe that it would take
many
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much
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 pressure and have negative for them.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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