Pressure on the school and university students is increasing and students are pushed to work hard when they are young. Is this a positive or a negative developement?

There is a popular trend of pressure from some schools and
university
Fix the agreement mistake
universities

It seems that university may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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, which makes
students
work
harder. While
Correct pronoun usage
others

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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other
Fix the agreement mistake
others

It seems that other may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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said that working hard has more benefits for
students
, I would hold the belief that it has
bad
Add an article
a bad

The noun phrase bad affect seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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Replace the word
effect

The word affect may be used incorrectly. Review the following notes to determine the appropriate usage for your context.

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affect
Correct your spelling
effect

The word affect doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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in
Change preposition
on

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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the future. Working hard has several advantages for
students
.
Firstly
,
students
who choose to
work
hard when they are young. They could gain more knowledge and have time to enhance their skills.
As a result
, they would get better opportunities earlier.
For example
, my sister tried to start a business and was successful in
this
work
.
Secondly
, some people who have good motivation to study and research could figure out the right direction for themselves.
Therefore
, they may focus on professional development.
On the other hand
, working hard too
ealier
Correct your spelling
earlier

If you don’t want ealier to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

also
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has

It seems that the verb have does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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bad consequences for
students
.
Firstly
, they would not have enough time for
relaxtion
Correct your spelling
relaxation

If you don’t want relaxtion to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

. If they
work
continuously without a break, it would affect
health
Correct pronoun usage
their health

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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negatively,
such
as
headache
Fix the agreement mistake
headaches

It seems that headache may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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, sleeping
disorder
Fix the agreement mistake
disorders

It seems that disorder may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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or have
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems

It seems that problem may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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with mental health.
Secondly
,
students
may get burnt out too soon.
Burn out
Correct your spelling
Burnout

The word Burn out seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

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makes people feel their emotions are blunted, it could
leads
Change the verb form
lead

The verb leads after the modal verb could does not appear to be in the correct form. Consider changing the verb form.

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to detachment and depression.
Therefore
, they would
loss
Replace the word
lose

The word loss doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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of
motivaions
Correct your spelling
motivation
motivations

If you don’t want motivaions to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

, ideals and hopes in their
Correct your spelling
lives
life

If you don’t want lifes to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

lifes
Correct your spelling
lives

It appears that the noun lifes is misspelled. Correct the spelling.

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. While it is true that when
students
try hard, they may get better opportunities, I believe that it would take
many
Replace the quantifier
much

It appears that the quantifier many does not fit with the uncountable noun pressure. Consider changing it.

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pressure and have negative for them.
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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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