Many families allow their children to have early Internet exposure. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays,
children
tend to have early access to the
Internet
. While many people said that it has many benefits, I believe that it has more drawbacks. Regarding the drawbacks of the
chilren
Correct your spelling
children
children's

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connection to the
Internet
.
Firstly
, spending excessive time
to use
Change the verb form
using

To use doesn’t seem to work here.

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Add an article
a computer
the computer

The noun phrase computer seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers

It seems that computer may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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or other services to access
to
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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the
Internet
may bring a negative effect on their
children
.
For example
, a child who
spend
Change the verb form
spends

The plural verb spend does not appear to agree with the singular subject a child. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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twenty-hours
Correct your spelling
twenty hours

The word twenty-hours doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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a day on smartphones
to watch
Change the verb form
watching

To watch doesn’t seem to work here.

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video
Add an article
the video
a video

The noun phrase video seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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or
playing
Replace the word
play

The word playing doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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games could
damaged
Change the verb form
damage

The verb damaged after the modal verb could does not appear to be in the correct form. Consider changing the verb form.

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their eyes and easily get addicted to
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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video games.
Secondly
, there are many videos on websites or
dark
Correct article usage
the dark

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web which are not suitable for
children
such
as death films or kill videos.
Therefore
, the families
permit
Wrong verb form
permitting

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb permit. Consider changing it.

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youngsters to use the
Internet
is indirectly damaging the development of their
children
.
Last
but not least,
children
could neglect their studies at school because
expenditure
Change preposition
of expenditure

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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to surf the
internet
. They do not concentrate on their studies, which
result
Correct subject-verb agreement
results

It seems that the verb result does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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in bad scores and bad academic performance at school.
Besides
its drawbacks, having exposure early to the
Internet
has some benefits.
First
, using the
Internet
at a small age helps
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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children
learn faster.
For instance
,
the
Correct article usage
a

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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child at four or five age could study English or other subjects via Youtube or Facebook without teaching by
teacher
Correct article usage
the teacher

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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.
As a result
, they may broaden their
knowlege
Correct your spelling
knowledge

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, and become more intelligent.
Moreover
,
children
could use the
Internet
to play games or
watching
Wrong verb form
watch

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb watching. Consider changing it.

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interesting videos to relax or unwind.
Also
, it helps
reducing
Wrong verb form
reduce

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb reducing. Consider changing it.

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the rate of mortality
of
Change preposition
at

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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young age due to loneliness or depression. Meanwhile, it is true that
children
accessing the
Internet
early
has
Change the verb form
have

The singular verb has does not appear to agree with the plural subject children accessing the Internet early. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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some advantages,
I
Correct word choice
but I

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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think that its disadvantages are greater.
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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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