IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that going to a fitness centre regularly is unnecessary. Instead, they believe that combining occasional exercise (such as going for walks) with a balanced diet is enough to stay healthy. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is thought by some members of the society that sticking to the correct diet and doing some occasional activities,
while
Linking Words
 the rest
part
Check wording
apply
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of the community considers that attending sports clubs on
regular
Correct article usage
a regular
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 basis is essential to keep people healthy.
Although
Linking Words
 I can observe some beneficial sides of visiting these centres, I would say that it is possible to be healthy without
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. The first reason why I hold
this
Linking Words
 opinion is that the human organism does not need anything additional if it works somewhere and has time for
recovering
Replace the word
recovery
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.
In other words
Linking Words
, generally, workers work six days a week and to get to the workplace they commute, which is a physical activity on its
own
Punctuation problem
own,
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 after which they spend the rest
part
Check wording
apply
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of the day having a rest.
For instance
Linking Words
, people who have
this
Linking Words
 kind of routine are more likely to support their health than those who have additional exercises after work, whose
organisms
Check wording
bodies
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 can
get
Verb problem
become
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 depletion.
Moreover
Linking Words
, every person can have
health
Correct article usage
the health
show examples
 which professional sportsmen possess, sticking to a particular diet and cutting down on some harmful intakes can boost the well-being of everyone.
This
Linking Words
 kind of consumption for a long period of time converts the human immune system into something resistant to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 wide range of outer viruses, creating a kind of protection.
For example
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 investigations, there were detected thirteen per cent of people with a particular type of disease
among
Verb problem
were detected among
show examples
hundred
Correct article usage
a hundred
show examples
 sportsmen,
while
Linking Words
 only seven individuals in a healthy-diet group were ill. In conclusion, there is no necessity to have heavy training to stay healthy. I believe that living in an appropriate
way
Punctuation problem
way,
show examples
 it is possible to reach much better results and live longer.

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task response
Task response: State your view clearly from the start and give 2-3 strong reasons with small, real examples for each.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Use a clear plan with intro, 2-3 body parts, and a conclusion. Use linking words to show how ideas connect.
language use
Language: keep grammar simple, use common words. Check facts and numbers for accuracy.
strength
Clear view that regular gym is not needed for health
structure
Intro and conclusion are present
strength
Some support with examples
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