IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #crime #prison #sentences #alternative
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Many
people
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 argue that a good choice to minimize
crime
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 is to give longer
prison
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 sentences. Wherever other
people
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 trust is a better option for reducing
crime
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. Longer
prison
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 is one
the
Correct article usage
apply
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way
forgiving
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of forgiving
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 a deterrent effect for
people
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 who have criminal
behaviour
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. Because the punishment will make
people
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 can not do anything for their lives.
For example
Linking Words
,
people
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 who live in
prison
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 can not live with their
family
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families
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, work to get the money, and others. He will feel stressed and depressed, so he will not repeat the mistake. So, I think longer
prison
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 is the best way to
reducing
Wrong verb form
reduce
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crime
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 in the country. On another side,
prison
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 without
education
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 ,
not
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is not
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 really effective for creating
of
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apply
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awareness for criminals. Why do
i
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I
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 say that? Because the punishment has to side by side with
education
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 to build guilty
feeling
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feelings
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 and build awareness, so he will not repeat the
crime
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behaviour
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 again. Especially,
education
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 about social
life
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, religious knowledge and economy creative.
For example
Linking Words
, narration about social
life
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 can make the
people
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 build social harmony in their social environment. And
then
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 religious knowledge can make
people
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 have a foundation or basic to live. The
last
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 is perspective and skill about economy creative, which have many benefits for continuing their
life
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. Almost all criminal
behaviour
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 occur by
economic
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the economic
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 problem. So, he can continue
the
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his
show examples
life
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 with the new skill. In my conclusion,
besides
Linking Words
 longer
prison
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 sentences, law enforcers have to give
education
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 to criminals, like social, religious and
economy
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economic
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. Because all criminals will continue their lives in society after the
prison
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 law has finished. The state has an obligation which
people
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 will not repeat the criminal
behaviour
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 and reduce
crime
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 in the country.
Submitted by miarosmia8 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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