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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #crime #prison #sentences #alternative
Many
people
 argue that a good choice to minimize
crime
 is to give longer
prison
 sentences. Wherever other
people
 trust is a better option for reducing
crime
. Longer
prison
 is one
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
way
forgiving
Change preposition
of forgiving
show examples
 a deterrent effect for
people
 who have criminal
behaviour
. Because the punishment will make
people
 can not do anything for their lives.
For example
,
people
 who live in
prison
 can not live with their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
, work to get the money, and others. He will feel stressed and depressed, so he will not repeat the mistake. So, I think longer
prison
 is the best way to
reducing
Wrong verb form
reduce
show examples
crime
 in the country. On another side,
prison
 without
education
 ,
not
Add a missing verb
is not
show examples
 really effective for creating
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
awareness for criminals. Why do
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 say that? Because the punishment has to side by side with
education
 to build guilty
feeling
Fix the agreement mistake
feelings
show examples
 and build awareness, so he will not repeat the
crime
behaviour
 again. Especially,
education
 about social
life
, religious knowledge and economy creative.
For example
, narration about social
life
 can make the
people
 build social harmony in their social environment. And
then
 religious knowledge can make
people
 have a foundation or basic to live. The
last
 is perspective and skill about economy creative, which have many benefits for continuing their
life
. Almost all criminal
behaviour
 occur by
economic
Add an article
the economic
show examples
 problem. So, he can continue
the
Change the word
his
show examples
life
 with the new skill. In my conclusion,
besides
 longer
prison
 sentences, law enforcers have to give
education
 to criminals, like social, religious and
economy
Replace the word
economic
show examples
. Because all criminals will continue their lives in society after the
prison
 law has finished. The state has an obligation which
people
 will not repeat the criminal
behaviour
 and reduce
crime
 in the country.
Submitted by miarosmia8 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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