IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think that children should obey the rules or do what their parents and teachers want them to do. Some people think that children controlled very much cannot deal with problems themselves.

#people #children #rules #parents #teachers
Certain folks believe that teachers and their
parents
 should make children under their control to obey all the rules and demands but some others think
this
 type of behaviour will end up in a problem like a child cannot handle his problems alone. In my opine,
parents
 should leave options for their
kids
 to choose what they want. To commence with, in recent decades, families are getting nuclear and the number of
kids
 is
also
 limited to one or two and because of that
parents
 are becoming more and more protective. Due to
this
 phenomenon, the majority of
kids
 in
this
 era end up in a state called broilers. These generations do only things that they are asked to do. They are very poor in using their own intellect.
For instance
, studies say students bought up in a
freedom
 atmosphere have more EQ than others. So for their proper
Correct your spelling
intelligence
inteligence
Add a comma
,inteligence
show examples
 each pupil should experience the
freedom
 to take decisions. Even though
parents
 and teachers should teach each ward about what is good and bad and what is important about obeying elders.But people who are grown under too much parental control face difficulty in facing their personal and professional issues. These groups always seek
other's
Fix the agreement mistake
others'
show examples
 opinions and do not show guests to take decisions.
For example
, a well obedient child who has never taken any decision on their own will not show the courage to
take
Correct your spelling
make
show examples
 decisions for his own personal
life
 even after marriage. Decision making is very important for one's own
life
. To summarize,
freedom
 is important in every stage of
life
. So people who enjoyed decision
freedom
 can reach heights of
life
 easily and I strongly disagree with
parents
 who are strictly following their
kids
 to obey rules.
Submitted by BINI K ISSAC on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: