IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that too many resources and attention are devoted to the protection of wild animals and birds ? To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #resources #attention #protection #animals #birds
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Animals
 have always had a crucial role in
human’s
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human
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 life.
Accordingly
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,Accordingly
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 there is an opinion asserting that a wide range of attention and resources have been dedicated to
protect
Change the verb form
protecting
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animals
 which are wild and
also
,
birds
. Personally, I disagree with
this
 statement and in
this
essay
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,essay
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 I will give reasons. Prior to all, there are a plethora of wild
animals
in
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at
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 risk of extinction. As in fashion luxurious clothing tools are very popular all over the world, numerous
animals
 have been pried and killed in order to use their skin for producing nags and shoes.
For instance
, in
Milan
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,Milan
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 fashion shows clothes and bags made of snake or
bear skin
Correct your spelling
bearskin
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 can be witnessed. The reason why these
animals
 have been killed is due to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of
protecting
Replace the word
protection
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Change preposition
in
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regions in which wild
animals
 have been living.
In addition
, a vast majority of
birds
 are pried to be sold as pets. Needless to say that while
birds
 need to live in nature, they are pried by predators because of
high
Correct article usage
the high
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 profits that
black
Correct article usage
the black
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 market
Change preposition
apply
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of
Correct your spelling
or
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sell
Correct subject-verb agreement
sells
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in
Change preposition
apply
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special
birds
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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.
For instance
, rich people have a tendency to have colourful
parots
Correct your spelling
parrots
parts
parents
 that can talk.
as a result
, predators go to African regions in which these
birds
 can be found. After preying, sell them
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 high prices to rich people. If preying
these
Change preposition
on these
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specious
Correct your spelling
species
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 was banned by the government, predators could not sell them, so it is clear that no source or focus
were
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was
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 dedicated to
this
 issue. To conclude, there are a wide number of wild
animals
 in danger of being pried and
then
 killed for producing bags, shoes as well as clothes ,
also
birds
 are usually sold in cages to rich people
that is
 why from my point of view, not any source or focus have been spent to protect
animals
 and
birds
.
Submitted by shahlad on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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