IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Children educating is expensive. In some countries, the government pays partly or all education fees. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#children #countries #government #education #fees
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
recent decades, everything has become quite expensive and the
education
Use synonyms
 sector is one of them. It has become difficult these days for an individual to bear the study expenses alone and
that is
Linking Words
 why in many countries, tuition fees for
children
Use synonyms
 are partly or fully sponsored by the government.
Although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 may cause some potential problems, I believe that the benefits here are more significant. There are some advantages when the government provide some financial support for
children
Use synonyms
’s
education
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the governmental funding for educating
children
Use synonyms
 will relieve some financial burdens falling on parents.
As a result
Linking Words
, they have more money to spend on better nutrition and health care for
children
Use synonyms
 than before.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the governmental subsidy will
also
Linking Words
 encourage more
children
Use synonyms
 to go to school. The more
children
Use synonyms
 go to school, the
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
show examples
 social crimes.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 who have strong
education
Use synonyms
 will become qualified employees later, which is the precursor of economic growth.
Conversely
Linking Words
, there can be certain disadvantages as well.
For example
Linking Words
, some people may think the money
that is
Linking Words
 spent on funding
education
Use synonyms
 could be used in better ways for the nation,
such
Linking Words
 as
infrastructure
Change preposition
in infrastructure
show examples
 and agriculture. Especially those who live alone or who are childless
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 may feel unfair because part of their money is paid to educate other people’s
children
Use synonyms
. As a consequence, the economy will be held back from development. In conclusion, despite the potential problems, there are numerous benefits of free
education
Use synonyms
 and I think more countries should consider about support them in some essential ways as it is a standard of having a well-being country.
Submitted by myngoc3003 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: