IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people believe that violence in the media, such as in television programs and films, directly results in violent behaviour. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #violence #media #television #programs #films #results #behaviour
Nowadays, the
media
 are becoming very popular.
However
, almost every
films
Change to a singular noun
film
show examples
 and television
programs
Fix the agreement mistake
program
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 are having violent scenes which
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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 some
people
 believe that it can influent the viewer to
harbor
Change the spelling
harbour
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violence
Replace the word
violent
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behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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.
In
Change preposition
From
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 my perspective, I partly agree with
this
 statement which I will depict the reasons in the below paragraphs.
First
 of all,
people
 who watch
the
Correct article usage
apply
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violent film or programs will have a chance to commit
the
Correct article usage
apply
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crime in real life
such
 as
the
Change preposition
in the
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 shooting incidents in America. They believe that
violent
Replace the word
violence
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are
Change the verb form
is
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 normal and get used to it.
However
, some
people
 can’t think that it is
the
Correct article usage
a
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 bad habit that shouldn’t be followed.
Moreover
, the
flighting
Correct your spelling
fighting
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 games or
violence
 in the
media
 will contribute
people
 to get angry easily. When they watch a lot of violent
film
Change to a plural noun
films
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, their brains will become work harder and cause
the
Correct article usage
apply
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negative
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
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such
 as
use
Change the form of the verb
using
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a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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bad words and
more
Add a missing verb
being more
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 impatient.
Nevertheless
, the researchers found that the risk of having
a mental health problems
Correct the article-noun agreement
mental health problems
a mental health problem
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 increasing since
the
Correct article usage
apply
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violent
media
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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appear.
For example
, children are playing counter strike which is
the
Correct article usage
a
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flighting
Correct your spelling
fighting
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 game that
use
Correct subject-verb agreement
uses
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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dangerous weapons to kill enemies. The game will influence kids to have
the
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apply
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bad habits, actions and
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
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. In summary, the
violence
 in the
media
 can lead
people
 to make a crime and cause their
Correct your spelling
mental
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metal
Correct your spelling
mental
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 health which can
effects
Change the verb form
effect
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 both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
themself and society. In my perspective, I believe that if the
media
 have less
violence
, it will bring
people
 to have less flighting too.
Then
, the country will be safer and better.
Submitted by chompunoot.raj on

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