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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people today believe that it is acceptable to use physical force to discipline children, but others feel it is completely unacceptable. Discuss this view and give your opinion.

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Whereas
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 some individuals,nowadays,are fans of physical punishments in order to teach ethical issues to scions,the opponents convict
such
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 treatments with children.
However
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,in my point of view,its associated dire consequences surpass in various aspects.
Nevertheless
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,both sides are explained here. One of the most devastating impressions of interacting physically with the young has to do with the negative footprints that not only will be imprinted on offspring's minds but their bodies may
also
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 be harmed.
For instance
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,it is possible for them to get blind if a specific part of their head is hit by their parents,whether intentionally or not.
Furthermore
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,it is feasible for juveniles to ignore the rules that used to be trained via these treatments.To illustrate,they may get involved even with delinquency if they feel that it would be kept a secret from themselves,
hence
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,they do not feel any hazard from their functions
while
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 they won't be admonished by others.
On the other hand
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,it is crucial for the youngster to experience these harsh behaviours to become ready
for entering
Change preposition
to enter

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
 society.As a vivid case,they will confront some violent situations in their subsequent lives,
thus
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,they will have the capability to control their emotions if they have witnessed the same reactions in advance in their childhood.To explain,women are more sensitive than males,owing to the fact that they are less punished than boys.
Moreover
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,children probably do not have the capacity to understand logical debates at an early age,
therefore
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,some light physical penalizing can be effective
to conduct
Change preposition
in conducting

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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 them.To enlighten,toddlers may threaten their lives by playing with knives
while
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 they cannot perceive the concept,so here,a fear of body punishment can be efficient.
To conclude
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
whereas
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, in some circumstances,harsh treatments will be useful,to me, their side effects outweigh in the majority of situations.To justify, the young may lose both their physical abilities
as a result
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 of heavy kicks and even
worth
Correct word choice
apply

There may be an adjective issue here.

show examples
lose their self-confidence if are rebuked in front of others, especially their friends.

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task response
The essay does not fully address the task as it lacks a balanced discussion on both views. It also presents unclear and incomplete ideas.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is somewhat clear, with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, the supporting points lack coherence and fail to provide a comprehensive argument.
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