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Band 5

Some people today believe that it is acceptable to use physical force to discipline children, but others feel it is completely unacceptable. Discuss this view and give your opinion.

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Whereas
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 some individuals,nowadays,are fans of physical punishments in order to teach ethical issues to scions,the opponents convict
such
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 treatments with children.
However
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,in my point of view,its associated dire consequences surpass in various aspects.
Nevertheless
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,both sides are explained here. One of the most devastating impressions of interacting physically with the young has to do with the negative footprints that not only will be imprinted on offspring's minds but their bodies may
also
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 be harmed.
For instance
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,it is possible for them to get blind if a specific part of their head is hit by their parents,whether intentionally or not.
Furthermore
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,it is feasible for juveniles to ignore the rules that used to be trained via these treatments.To illustrate,they may get involved even with delinquency if they feel that it would be kept a secret from themselves,
hence
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,they do not feel any hazard from their functions
while
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 they won't be admonished by others.
On the other hand
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,it is crucial for the youngster to experience these harsh behaviours to become ready
for entering
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to enter
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 society.As a vivid case,they will confront some violent situations in their subsequent lives,
thus
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,they will have the capability to control their emotions if they have witnessed the same reactions in advance in their childhood.To explain,women are more sensitive than males,owing to the fact that they are less punished than boys.
Moreover
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,children probably do not have the capacity to understand logical debates at an early age,
therefore
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,some light physical penalizing can be effective
to conduct
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in conducting
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 them.To enlighten,toddlers may threaten their lives by playing with knives
while
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 they cannot perceive the concept,so here,a fear of body punishment can be efficient.
To conclude
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,
whereas
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, in some circumstances,harsh treatments will be useful,to me, their side effects outweigh in the majority of situations.To justify, the young may lose both their physical abilities
as a result
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 of heavy kicks and even
worth
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apply
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lose their self-confidence if are rebuked in front of others, especially their friends.

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task response
The essay does not fully address the task as it lacks a balanced discussion on both views. It also presents unclear and incomplete ideas.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is somewhat clear, with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, the supporting points lack coherence and fail to provide a comprehensive argument.
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