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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Full-time university students spend a lot of time studying. Some say they should do other activities too. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#university #students #time #say #activities
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Some protesters argue that full-time undergraduates should take
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
charge of their
duty
Fix the agreement mistake
duties
show examples
, which only focus on studying
instead
Linking Words
 of sparing some hours for other life events.
However
Linking Words
, most supporters bolster students should spend time exploring other activities. In my opinion, I definitely take a positive view of encouraging young men to broaden their horizons as wide as possible in their student age.
Firstly
Linking Words
, existence is beyond study. Not only courses in school can students learn from, but
also
Linking Words
 other tasks outside campus can teach them lessons. Taking
doing
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
part-time jobs as an example, lots of students build their self-reliance and acquire financial management skills, which college professors will not hand you. After graduation, office workers tend to have less time to explore unknown fields. The main reason is that working dominates most society members' whole day, or humans become too exhausted to do other activities. That’s why I recommend people who are still in college utilize their time not only on degrees but
also
Linking Words
 in other living experiences,
for instance
Linking Words
, being a volunteer.
Secondly
Linking Words
, from the protesters' point of view, doing other events outside the study distracts undergraduates’ attention. As
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 result, it erodes scores and brings adverse effects on their academy.
Although
Linking Words
 getting a bachelor's certificate is necessary for gaining job opportunities, putting all the concentration on studying causes drawbacks to career advancements. Because undergraduates who indulge themselves in books,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
don’t know how to cooperate with other society members. Communication is a highly valued characteristic by employers. In a nutshell,
although
Linking Words
 focusing on the academy is a requirement for undergraduates, sparing parts of their lives to explore every aspect of living is
Correct pronoun usage
worthy it
show examples
worthy
Replace the word
worth
show examples
. The advantages of doing other activities outweigh the disadvantages.
Submitted by lynchen0103 on

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task response
The essay lacks depth in analyzing the topic. To improve task response, provide more detailed arguments and counterarguments, demonstrating a deeper understanding of the issue.
coherence and cohesion
There is a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. To enhance coherence and cohesion, ensure smoother transitions between ideas within paragraphs and between paragraphs.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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