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Band 3.5

Some people spend a lot of money on things that are unnecessary, while so many people in thus world do not even get anything to eat. why do you think people do it? what can be done to stop them from doing so?

#people #money #world
Nowadays, it become a trend to be modern and
do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
show off by purchasing trendy things.
However
, it is completely useless for one.
Whereas
 the world outside so many communities starving for bread.
Initially
. In today's modern era community used to shop for unhelpful products., they spend a lot of cash on clothes and gadgets and electric amenities. To be trendy and compete with others.
Whereas
, many countries are unable to provide at least bread to their citizens. A recent phenomenon
happens
Wrong verb form
happened
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 in Srilanka country, where the community seeking electricity and medical needs. There are
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 solutions to concur
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
 issue of unnecessary capital spending and increasing ratio of poverty.,First of all ,all populations need to understand the importance of saving bills. They should cut off buying unuseful things and save the property for the future.
Thus
 they may help other folks, outside who need meat and shelter to survive. By donating property or giving foodstuff and water.
Thus
, both issues can be solved.
To sum up
, by understanding the cause of starvation and unhealthy ,salary spending can be resolved by realising the importance of wealth and saving it for the near future and donating or using funds to help other populations.
Submitted by kandoriyapoonam0 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction clearly introduces the topic and provides a thesis statement. Make sure to support your main points with relevant examples and develop your ideas further. Work on organizing your ideas in a more coherent and structured manner throughout the essay.
task achievement
You need to fully address the prompt, providing a clear response to the questions asked. Make sure your ideas are comprehensive and relevant, and utilize specific examples to support your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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