IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some say that because many people are living much longer the age at which people retire from work should be raised vonsiderably

#say #people #age #work
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Nowadays many
people
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 are living much longer than they used to for
this
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 reason some
people
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 suggest that retiring
age
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 should be raised.I totally disagree with
this
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 statement. In
this
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 ,
essay
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an essay
the essay
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 I will discuss the disadvantages of raising the
age
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 of
retirement
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.
Firstly
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, having good experience and a long life expectancy
do
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does
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 not mean high productivity because
people
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 are not living with the help of their health.As a consequence of advances in ,medicine long life expectancy raised considerably
Secondly
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,grandparenting is one of the most important parts of the upbringing and nursing of the young generation. Increasing of
retirement
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age
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 will have harmful effects on
children
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's behaviour, since grandparents are the main providers of national and cultural values they
also
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 can change the conduct of
children
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. ,
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Furthermore
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,Furthermore
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 grandparents have
good
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a good
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 impact on the
children
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's education and they help to develop
children
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's cognition skills. All
people
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 have their lifelong dreams.For many ,
people
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retirement
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 is the beginning of new life with less pressure and more relaxation. Raising the
age
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 of
retirement
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 has many
the
Correct article usage
apply
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young employees. They can not show their creativity and it has
affectedeffect
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affected effect
 on
development
Correct article usage
the development
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 of young recruits' creativity skills. ,
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
,However
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 despite the many ,
disadvantages
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,disadvantages
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 there are some advantages to raising the
retirement
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age
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. ,
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First
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,First
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 well-experienced
people
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 can help young and new employees. ,
Also
Linking Words
 young generation can be motivated by seeing elders dedicate themselves to the country. To sum up there are many drawbacks of raising the
retirement
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age
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 and it has harmful effects on the young generation
also
Linking Words
 young employees. The best final decision is
retirement
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age
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 should not be raised in any situation
Submitted by uluga2002 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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