Some people think that outdoor activities are more beneficial for children's development than playing computer games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #activities #children #development #computer #games

Some people believe that doing outdoors

activities

is better for

children

’s development than playing

computer

games

. Personally, I completely agree with

this

opinion and will analyze my point of view in the essay below.

To begin

with,

children

can better improve their posture and well-being

through

Change preposition

show examples

doing outdoor

activities

in comparison

with

Change preposition

show examples

sitting in front of a

computer

to play

games

. Studies have proven that outdoor

games

can boost

children

’s immunity and reduce the risk of disease. There is no doubt that

children

will be exposed to the sunshine consisting of Vitamin D and fresh air when playing outdoor

games

. Another illustration is that if

children

play sports like volleyball or basketball, they can strengthen their muscles and stimulate their height growth.

In contrast

, when it comes to

computer

games

children

can suffer from eyesight problems and a high risk of obesity.

In addition

, doing outdoor

activities

is a great way for

children

to enhance

learning

Correct pronoun usage

their learning

show examples

ability and stimulate creativity.

This

is because the open environment consists of natural

habitat

Fix the agreement mistake

habitats

show examples

, creatures and many other things which can bring

them

Correct your spelling

the

show examples

inspiration to do new things.

As a result

children

tend to be more eager to learn and gradually be equipped with important life skills like problem-solving, observation and analysis skills.

However

this

can hardly be the case for playing

computer

games

, as

computer

games

already provide them with virtual context and certain objects required for the game.

Consequently

, it is reasonable to say that joining outdoor

activities

help

children

with brain development and acquire more skills compared to playing

computer

games

. In conclusion, I firmly believe that the advantages of playing outdoor

activities

far outweigh those of playing

computer

games

for

children

since

this

activity does

good

Change the adjective

well

show examples

Change preposition

for

show examples

both their physical and intellectual development.

Submitted by ngochail911112 on Fri May 20 2022

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

293 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people think that outdoor activities are more beneficial for children's development than playing computer games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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