IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree.

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people
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Sweets
is
Change the verb form
are
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 one of the major taste buds
in
Change preposition
on
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human
Correct article usage
the human
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 tongue but an excessive
amount
Use synonyms
 of
sugar
Use synonyms
intake
Use synonyms
 could lead to
health
Use synonyms
 problems.
Moreover
Linking Words
, many produced food and drink
products
Use synonyms
 were with a substantial
amount
Use synonyms
 of it.
Thus
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,
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 brands should increase their price to encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to eat minimal
sugar
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay agrees with the statement mentioned above and will discuss the aforementioned. A considerable
health
Use synonyms
 risk is being considered if
sugar
Use synonyms
intake
Use synonyms
 were not controlled, and several
products
Use synonyms
 were produced with a large
amount
Use synonyms
 of
sugar
Use synonyms
 as the main ingredients
such
Linking Words
 as ice cream, cake, and coke. The excessive
intake
Use synonyms
 of
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
products
Use synonyms
 could cause
to unbalance
Change the verb form
unbalanced
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 glucose
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
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 in
human
Add an article
the human
show examples
 body and
a
Remove the article
apply
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potential
health
Use synonyms
 trouble happened
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and will affect the function of the vital organs
such
Linking Words
 as
heart
Correct article usage
the heart
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, lungs and skin.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the immune system will
be lessen
Change the verb form
be lessened
show examples
,
thus
Linking Words
, resulting
to
Change preposition
in to
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 wound not healing faster.
For instance
Linking Words
, A study noted that 90%
Use synonyms
people
Change preposition
of people
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 diagnosed with diabetes mellitus were the
people
Use synonyms
 who used to eat and drink sweets
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 excessive
Use synonyms
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 product could be consumed minimally by
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
 if awareness about its
health
Use synonyms
 drawbacks, and made it more expensive was insisted.
That is
Linking Words
 to say that the government could assist with
this
Linking Words
 matter by the enforcement of
law
Add an article
the law
show examples
, and additional tax will be added
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
products
Use synonyms
 which
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
higher
Add an article
a higher
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 content of
sugar
Use synonyms
, in
additional
Replace the word
addition
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of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 society notification about its
health
Use synonyms
 risk.
For instance
Linking Words
, the coke company has been producing their product with
alternative
Correct article usage
an alternative
show examples
 sweetener named Coke Zero. In conclusion,
this
Linking Words
 essay support that high
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
sweet substance that was manufactured by food and drink company affects many
health
Use synonyms
risk
Change to a plural noun
risks
show examples
must
Correct word choice
and must
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increased
Change the verb form
increase
be increased
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 in price to encourage
people
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 lesser
sugar
Use synonyms
intake
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by brainfreeze on

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Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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