IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Advances in technology and automation have reduced the need for manual labour. Therefore, working hours should be reduced. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#advances #technology #automation #labour #hours
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Recent
technology
Replace the word
technological
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 advances had great impacts on the world of work. Automatic machines are able to do most of the
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
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، so It has been widely debated that working
hours
 should be reduced. I
am completely agree
Change the verb form
completely agree
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 that governments should set plans to lessen working
hours
,
and
Correct word choice
apply
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thus
,
providing
Wrong verb form
provide
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 citizens with better quality of life.
First
 of all, in my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
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employees
 need more
relaxtion
Correct your spelling
relaxation
 to have
better
Add an article
a better
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 focus on the
job
.
untill
Correct your spelling
until
 now, Decision making positions
positions
Remove the redundancy
apply
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should be occupied
with
Change preposition
by
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 human
employees
 since Automation is not so reliable
certain
Change preposition
for certain
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 procedures during work , so with more
relaxation
Add a comma
,relaxation
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 they will
able
Add a missing verb
be able
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 to have more focus on every step they do in their work.
Second
,
what
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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I see
that
Add a missing verb
is that
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 decreasing working
hours
 may help reduce stress on families as well as
community
Add an article
the community
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 as a whole. In today's
job
 world, a big proportion of their daily life occupied with
job
Add an article
the job
a job
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 and commuting, that considerably affected their ability to look after their family
especially
Add the comma(s)
,especially
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 their
chirldren
Correct your spelling
children
. Reducing working
hours
 will give
employees
 more time to spend with their families.
Finally
, decreasing working
hours
 may help more people to find jobs. in today's world unemployment rates considerably
rises
Correct subject-verb agreement
rise
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 day by day, so more and more people get unemployed, I think one immediate solution to help decrease unemployment is to reduce working
hours
. some countries have already tried
this
such
 as
germany
Change the capitalization
Germany
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 and japan. To conclude, since machines can do most of
jobs
Add an article
the jobs
show examples
 today so reducing working
hours
 Have great advantages,
for
example
Add the comma(s)
,example
show examples
 Less working
hours
 can help families to have
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 relationship,
employees
 would have greater attention while working and that can help more people to find a
job
.
Submitted by ghazi.lina on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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