IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some say that because many people are living much longer ,the age at which people retire from work should be raised considerably. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#say #people #age #work
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long
life
Use synonyms
 expectancy has increased among
people
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 because of some medical treatments and the invention of technical devices ,which help the public at home and
work
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 .
Therefore
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 government think that the
retirement
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age
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 should be increased significantly.I disagree with
this
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 view and
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 am going to reflect reasons for
this
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 in my essay. There are several reasons for government can not increase the
retirement
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age
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.
First
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 and
furthermore
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,
although
Linking Words
people
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 are living a long period,
Correct article usage
a
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long growth expectancy does not mean high productivity,
for instance
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, the population may gain a lot of diseases throughout their
life
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 ,due to challenges of
life
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 and pressure of
work
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as a result
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 they are not able to
work
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 effectively when they are old and
this
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 influences the prospect of the company . Another downside of increasing the pension
age
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 is that impacts our society negatively
,
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apply
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 because grandparenting is the most important part of the upbringing and nursing of the young generation. Grandparents are likely to be
second
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 parents to instruct children in being aware of the rights and wrongs in every walk of
life
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 ,
in addition
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, children have clothing relationships with their grandparents who always be together with them when parents are busy with their
work
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 and family burdens.
Secondly
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, for many ,
people
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 evacuation is the beginning of new
life
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 with less pressure and more entertainment when
people
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 want to fulfil their lifelong dreams. Elderly
people
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 are prone to be together with their family and want to get affection from their children.
Moreover
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, they do prefer to travel and discover new things for their later new
life
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 which after
retirement
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age
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. To sum up .
Although
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 the increase of the
retirement
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age
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 would be good for the budget of authority I strongly believe that
this
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 has a negative impact on the not only wholesome
of
Change preposition
apply
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elderly
people
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 but
also
Linking Words
 it will affect society.
Submitted by uluga2002 on

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Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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