IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugars which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #level #sugars #health #people #sugar
While it is true that too many people have health problems, especially obesity and diabetes because they eat and
drink
products
 that
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 a high level of
sugar
, every individual has his or her own idea about what he has to eat. Fortunately, we are all free to choose and purchase which
products
 we want to eat. Authorities are not necessary to help us decide and make the price of these
products
 high.
To begin
 with, it is not difficult to find out which fruit
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 fresh and useful.
First
 of all, nowadays, there are
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
plenty of organic shops which offer more sanitary
products
 that
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 a moderate percentage of
sugar
 which the body
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
.
Also
, these
products
 have
an obvious labels
Correct the article-noun agreement
an obvious label
obvious labels
show examples
 depicting the entire ingredient of food in
details
Fix the agreement mistake
detail
show examples
.
Secondly
, Modern technology has given us a tool for controlling the product we want
eat
Add the particle
to eat
show examples
 or
drink
.
In other words
, at
present
Add a comma
,present
show examples
 there are a huge number of applications that can help us
knowing
Change the form of the verb
know
show examples
 the accurate proportion of every single
Replace the word
element
show examples
elements
Change to a singular noun
element
show examples
 of ingredients in the product
such
 as my real food and my health watcher.
Next
, the best thing about
diet
Correct article usage
the diet
show examples
 market is that there is a variety of outputs. Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
international
Add an article
the international
show examples
 companies are developing their selves to present
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
healthy food and
drink
 in order to keep
peace
Correct your spelling
pace
show examples
 with development and maintain their customers.
For instance
, recently, Coca-Cola company offered a new
drink
 that does not contain
sugar
 as Coca-Cola zero. In conclusion, it is undeniable that
consume
Wrong verb form
consuming
show examples
products
 that
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 a high level of
sugar
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 harmful and causes diseases
such
 as diabetes and obesity.
However
,
evolution
Correct article usage
the evolution
show examples
 and diversity we are experiencing now give us the opportunity to purchase healthy nutrition.
Thus
, we don’t need
authorities
Change noun form
authorities'
authority's
show examples
 aid to increase the price of
products
.
Submitted by marowan.selim on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: