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Writing Samples
Band 6

Today's school should teach their students how to survive financially in the world today. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

#school #students #world
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In
this
Linking Words
 contemporary epoch, education should be more focused on financial literacy. There is a rising number of individuals who argue that
schools
Use synonyms
 must teach
students
Use synonyms
 how to deal with finances, whereas others may share the opposite opinion. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 approach partially and
therefore
Linking Words
 I am going to identify some reasons why. Focusing on the contemporary western lifestyle, where money is, unfortunately, one of the most prominent variables, financial knowledge is undoubtedly inevitable. Linked to
this
Linking Words
,
schools
Use synonyms
 should presumably tailor the schedules and incorporate new
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
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,
for instance
Linking Words
- Financial literacy. It may offer a noteworthy opportunity for
students
Use synonyms
 to learn how to survive financially. More particularly speaking,
students
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 may learn about the options of saving money, whether to invest one´s hard-earned wages on inevitable items, as opposed
using
Change preposition
to using
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 it more wisely and many others. From
this
Linking Words
 point of view, I agree with those who hold
this
Linking Words
 school of thought that
schools
Use synonyms
 should offer financial knowledge to
students
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are still individuals, who argue that money should not become one the main object of focus at
schools
Use synonyms
. There are arguments, that there are more important things, which should
students
Use synonyms
 learn,
instead
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 of the financial knowledge. In connection with the still increasing number of diseases and psychological
disorders
Add a comma
,disorders
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schools
Use synonyms
 should presumably focus more on these aspects of life.
For instance
Linking Words
, by teaching them how to lead a healthy lifestyle through
the
Correct article usage
apply
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food habits.
The
Correct article usage
A
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 recent research paper from Cambridge university state that 80% of our health issues are related to the food we consume.
Moreover
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,
proper
Add an article
the proper
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 physical condition may
subsequently
Linking Words
 help to mitigate their psychological issues. To conclude, from the aforementioned arguments is clearly visible that both sides are equally right
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 because in the present world is inevitable to know how to deal with the finances, whereas there are other important issues, which should be tackled in the same manner.
Submitted by sevcik.karol on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial literacy
  • modern economy
  • student debt
  • mitigate
  • practical financial skills
  • budgeting
  • saving
  • investing
  • income inequality
  • psychological benefits
  • financial security
  • traditional education
  • financial independence
  • technology
  • personal finance management
  • global perspective
  • entrepreneurship
  • curriculum
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