IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think the government should pay for health care and education, but there is no agreement about whether it is the responsibility. What is your opinion?

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Many
people
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 argue that
health
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care
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,
such
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 as hospital visits, or
education
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 should be free for
society
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 and that the
government
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 should pay for it. In countries like Sweden, the
government
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 pays for many costs in the form of
people
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's tax income. Others believe that it is the responsibility of each individual to pay for themselves. I personally believe that it should be a human right to get free
education
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 and
health
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care
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,
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apply
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 because
everyone
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 deserves the same conditions in life. First of all, making
education
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 universally free for
people
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, will result in more
people
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 attending classes and going to school and university.
For example
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, many children in poorer regions do not have the opportunity to go to school because of the high costs and fees.
However
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, if the
government
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 pays for the
education
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 and removes the financial barriers,
everyone
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 has a chance to learn and even get a job after they graduate.
This
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 in turn leads to a more educated
society
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 and higher taxes for the
government
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, which will result in better living standards and economic growth in the long
turn
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run
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.
Secondly
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, it should be mandatory to give
everyone
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 the
health
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care
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 they need to live a healthy life. It should not only be a privilege reserved for the richest in
the
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apply
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society
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 to get
care
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 when they are sick. It must be a fundamental right extended to all humans, regardless of their socioeconomic status.
For instance
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,
people
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 who do not have the money to pay for their treatments or hospital fees should
also
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 have the right to survive. If the
government
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 reduces these
health
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 costs for every individual, the consequences would be a healthier
society
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 and more
people
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 who are able to work and contribute to
the
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apply
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social development and workforce productivity. In summary, ensuring universal access to
education
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 and
health
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care
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 is crucial for promoting social equity and well-being. It must be recognized as
human
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a human
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rights
Fix the agreement mistake
right
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 and
everyone
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, regardless of their
backgrounds
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background
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, deserves access to it. Investing in universal
health
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care
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 not only upholds principles of social justice but
also
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 contributes to economic growth and societal progress.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This essay does well in presenting a coherent structure. Keep improving by signaling the reader when you are transitioning from one idea to the next with phrases such as 'firstly', 'secondly', and 'in summary'.
coherence cohesion
To enhance your essay, try integrating a wider variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to articulate your arguments more effectively. This will not only improve readability but also demonstrate your language proficiency.
task achievement
You have responded well to the task by presenting a clear opinion and supporting it with reasons and examples. To further improve, ensure that every main point is directly linked back to the question, elaborating on how it supports your overall stance.
task achievement
Make sure to evenly develop all parts of your essay. While your arguments are clear, adding more specific examples or statistics could strengthen the support for your ideas and showcase comprehensive understanding of the topic.
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