IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

People today do not feel safe either at home or when they are out. What are the causes? What are the solutions?

#people #home
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Unarguably,
crime
Use synonyms
 is flourishing in every corner of the globe. Today individuals not only are
treated
Verb problem
apply
show examples
in their social environments but even inside their own safe shelters. As
this
Linking Words
 trend already is a problem for the world should be tackled with solutions like governments' useful efforts and vanishing unemployment.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explain remedies and causes in detail.
Firstly
Linking Words
,in many
nations
Add a comma
nations,
show examples
crime
Use synonyms
 rates
soars
Change the verb form
soar
show examples
 only because of the not enough attention and efforts given by countries' high authorities. The lack of
police
Use synonyms
 sources and corrupt
police
Use synonyms
 could be one of the main causes of lawlessness. Henceforth, criminals may more freely commit crimes and treat citizens. Along
with
Correct pronoun usage
with this
show examples
, scandal often happens
as a result
Linking Words
 of the loss of jobs. Unemployment could lead even educated individuals to commit various crimes. The financial burden and lots of free time can force people to attack homes or commit robbery.
Thus
Linking Words
 these practices may cause unsafety for regular people. to
compat
Correct your spelling
compete
 with citizens'
overall
Linking Words
 security, governments can detect a bigger budget for tackling
crime
Use synonyms
 rates. The government are able to control
this
Linking Words
 issue with simple actions ranging from training accurate
low
Correct your spelling
law
show examples
 officers and making many
police
Use synonyms
 departments. As well authorities could create jobs and employ youth and degree holders.
This
Linking Words
 sort of investment in people may lead to the country's economic growth and more secure citizens. In conclusion, we can say that with the high rank of
crime
Use synonyms
 over the globe nations
feels
Correct subject-verb agreement
feel
show examples
 insecure; there are some causes
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
Linking Words
 which could be tackled by creating work and improving
crime
Use synonyms
 prevention factors
such
Linking Words
 as a better
police
Use synonyms
 force.
Submitted by parafik on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure a clearer and more organized structure for better coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
Address the essay prompt more comprehensively and provide more specific examples to support your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: